After-belly blues

There’s something really lovely about having a big, round pregnant belly. Yes, it’s hot in summer, uncomfortable at night and disappointing when your favourite top no longer fits, but then there’s the warm, fuzzy feeling that comes with pregnancy. Strangers smile sympathetically in the street, friends and family rally around and your partner offers to make you cups of tea (occasionally). But once bub is born, all that seems to change…

Strangers now glare as you run the stroller over their feet; little do they know how hard it is being a virgin stroller-pusher. Your partner suddenly forgets how to make tea and grocery shopping with a screaming baby is enough to push any sane person over the edge. Give me my big belly back – life was kinder back then.

When you first become a mum, it takes a while to adjust to the fact that it’s not just you anymore, and it’s more responsibility than you could ever have imagined. ‘Fast’ is no longer in your vocabulary; there is no such thing as ‘nipping’ to the shop to buy a new lip gloss. The rigmarole of fitting the car seat, fastening bub in and stuffing nappies, wipes, formula and everything else a baby could possibly need into a bag makes ‘nipping’ anywhere a thing of the past.

As for 40-minute showers, forget it. Spending 10 minutes with a body moisturiser is now an occasional luxury (possible only if you drag yourself out of bed at the crack of dawn before bub’s had a chance to stir). And a relaxing trip to the hairdresser’s? You must be joking! Rocking the stroller backwards and forwards with one foot for an hour soon takes its toll on your ankle joint.

So to all the big bellied women reading this, I say stock up on lip gloss while you can, train your partner in the art of tea making and relish saving a fortune on illuminiser. No skin glows more radiantly than a mum-to-be’s.