Get the kids breakfast. Pack them on the bus. Do a bit of housework. Check out the shops. Let leeches suck your blood. Grab a quick blow-dry. Stop by the supermarket. Have dinner on the table for 7pm. Off to bed and do it all over again tomorrow.
Sound like an average day apart from the leeches? Welcome to the weird and wonderful world of a detox fanatic. Want in on the action? Here’s our pick of five of the best (slash craziest, depending on your view) detox diets. A quick B12 shot for the road? Read on, if you dare…
Detox # 1: Leeches
Celeb fans: Demi Moore uses the slimy suckers to detoxify her blood. Umm, we’re not convinced. Sure, she’s hot and managed to snare herself one of Tinseltown’s most eligible toyboys but our bloodsucking bank managers are enough for us, thank you very much.
Detox # 2: Vinegar shots
Celeb fans: Fergie claims her solid-as-a-rock abs are down to drinking two tablespoons of unfiltered, organic apple cider a day. Not swayed? We are. They’re rumoured to flush out fats in the colon and curb those pesky cravings.
Detox # 3: Grapefruit oil
Celeb fans: Jennifer Lopez and Carmen Electra reportedly carry a vial of this essential oil around and have a quick sniff if they’re feeling hungry. Well it’s better than a vial of blood, we guess. Yes Angelina, we’re talking to you.
Detox # 4: B12 Vitamin injections
Celeb fans: Madonna and Charlize Theron
Ladies put your mochas down and get with the programme. A quick energy boost – that’s actually healthy – is all the rage now with bona-fide celebs like Madge herself lining up for B12 shots.
Detox # 5: Liquid diet and colonic irrigation
Celeb fans: Liv Tyler and Elle Macpherson are said to flush out their party poisons with a quick dose of liquids-only and colonic irrigation. If every time we said yes to that extra vino we remembered just how those toxins are, ahem, flushed out of our bodies, maybe we’d think twice about putting them in there!