Real women share how learning to accept their greys made them feel empowered
Ask any woman about her hair and she’ll have a story. Whether it’s recalling the tale of a bad haircut at the age of 12, or a more complex, life-long struggle to accept the natural texture she was born with, one thing is clear: Hair is more than just superficial to women.
For centuries women have used their hair as an extension of their personalities and as a means to express their individuality. On public display for the world to see, hair has become a deeply personal part of the female identity and is closely tied to a woman’s self-esteem.
The relationship between hair and self-image is universal, transcending race, culture and socioeconomic standing. According to Psychologist Dr. Vivian Diller for the Huffington Post, positive self-esteem is linked to feeling in control of our bodies, decisions, and personal image. And hair is one of the easiest ways we can take control of all three.
But with all the positive associations between hair and self-confidence, there’s also a dark side to it. What happens when a woman’s hair doesn’t fit the mould of society’s conventional beauty standards? What if she struggles with textured hair, thinning hair, sporadic balding, or seborrheic dermatitis? What happens to a woman’s self-esteem when she starts going grey?
We wanted to deep-dive into this topic and hear first-hand how hair affects a woman’s self-worth. We asked real women of all ages and backgrounds to share their hair stories and will be revealing their testimonials in an on-going series.
First up, going grey. Here’s how three real women learned to accept their greys and gained even more self-confidence in the process.
RELATED: 7 reasons your hair might be thinning
RELATED: Unhealthy hair habits to avoid
“There have been times when I've been having a bad hair day and didn’t want to be seen in public. You can't change your face easily but your hair is another story…When I started dying my hair purple (and pink, blue) for me it was about self expression and having fun. But my husband also told me he felt it was about freedom. I don't have a lot of control over certain things in my life, my epilepsy means I can't work and I can't drive. My hair is something I have total control over. Purple hair is more common now, so maybe that's why I'm going 'against the grain' once again and letting my grey hair show through. I've had grey hair since I was in my late 20s and now I don't care about hiding them anymore. I think it's another freedom I’ll be getting back in my life - freedom from [colouring] and hiding what's there. Why conform to what people consider young and attractive and normal?” - Lisa359
“My hair started to go grey in my early twenties and I dyed it with permanent hair colour. It has taken me nearly six years to come to the realisation that dying my roots is [just too] hard to maintain. I decided to let my natural hair colour grow out and cut it short for a while to cut off the colour ends. I felt such a sense of freedom that I didn't need to colour my hair anymore, that I didn't need to conform to what other people expected. My hair is a natural salt and pepper and I have decided to grow it out now so I can have it restyled into a short bob for the summer months. I found it rather freeing to let my hair go back to its natural colour, like a great weight had been lifted off my shoulders, like I can truly be myself.” - Margi59
“I, too, have let my hair go naturally grey. I have just turned 70 and it started about ten years ago - I think after I had a couple of really big operations on my back...I then dyed it blonde as that was my natural colour but it was hard to get my colour the same. I got so fed up with it that after a few years I thought, ‘Hell, I'm not a spring chicken anymore I will just let it go.’ I have never been happier. It is now almost all grey and my husband is quite happy about it as well, he thinks I look better.” - shaper
To share your hair story, click here.
Does your hair play an important role in your identity? Would you let your hair go grey?
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53 Member Comments
It is easy to say grey looks nice if you don't have that issue. I agree some grey does look great, but it also takes time and some work. When we first go grey, there a the stragglers which are usually more twisted and steely and easy enough to pull out. Then the process begins and the hair actually loses its natural colour and goes a horrible dirty dull colour. At least that is what happened when my light blonde hair started showing the visible signs of AGEING! My hair started going a darker colour even though it had always been very light blonde until my late 40's. Yes, I was very lucky. Then I started the colouring, what a disaster at first. Foils helped, but then I just started using home colour kits with the shade recommended by a good hairdresser, and I have stayed with that shade 913. The grey creeps through at the sides above the ears, middle of my fringe and top of my head so then it is time to do my BLONDE again. I would rather be blonde than grey, even at my age.
My friend went grey all over and then she coloured her hair back to a bright brown and looked about 10 years younger.
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Unfortunately my greys just look too messy against my dark asian hair, they stand out too much to ignore :/
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Some grey's are prettier than others. I have the steely grey that just makes me look old. That's why I'm continuing to colour.
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Grey hair is the only thing about physical ageing that i'm legitimately excited about. I'd go grey now if I could. I could finally go blond without having to pay hundreds of dollars to rip the pigment out of my dark hair, LOL.
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I let my hair go natural after the most disastrous colour by a professional I'd been to many times. I wanted to keep my head in a bag for 6 weeks. I am now ancient and often have people ask where I have my hair coloured! I'm one of the lucky ones and feel my hair with its natural colour suits me more than it would coloured, and my current and wonderful hair dresser agrees.
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Good for you Trish. Glad it worked out for you
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Grey hair is nice but it must match your skin tone!!
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I won't be letting my hair go fully grey until I'm much older methinks. I'll be 35 soon & although I'm probably about 50% grey (depending on which area you look at), I'm quite happy to continue dyeing it.
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Great stories. I only have a bit of grey but like many I colour it to try hide it. Being 35 don't want it showing just yet!
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Lovely stories and great article.
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I'm an older mum and already get mistaken for my (primary school) kids' grandma, I'm hesitant to stop dying my hair in case I look even older. Maybe in a few years.
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I just love grey hair!!! I think it looks beautiful!!! Embrace the greys and wear them with pride!!!
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Next year I plan to travel for a few months. my roots become bad after 3.5 weeks, I think it will be then that I let my hair go grey.
Maybe get a colour out put in first. Any suggestions for the transition?
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A cool toned ash blonde maybe?
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I have highlights in my dark blonde hair and it covers the grey.
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I love this story (and Diane Keaton is so gorgeous - she rocks her hair beautifully). I’ve been struggling a little with the increasing amount of grey that is appearing but this really helps as I actually like the slightly lighter look and never like it after it gets dyed. I might embrace, rather than fight my greys.
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I’m letting it all happen naturally. My brunette hair is becoming quite sparkly. My grandmother and aunts wouldn’t dare let a grey show through. I can’t be bothered with the extra maintenance associated with colouring . So I will continue to embrace my sparkle confidently.
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Great article. Love reading about member experience! I have 20-50% grey depending on which patch, but I still consistently colour my hair. When I was pregnant, I didn't colour my hair and my secretary could tell I was pregnant before anyone else because the grey regrowth was so obvious.
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Lovely ladies.Good on them. Showing the truth of life.
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I have lots of grey hair but, the fact is, I like having my hair coloured and like to see how creative my hairdresser can be. My hair is coloured a mix of different light and dark blondes to tone in with my natural silvery grey hair.
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I haven't had a colour in my hair for about a year now, and I'm quite liking the salt and pepper that's grown out! I do feel a sense of freedom...freedom from the colouring process, the expense, the angst when the colour is not as cool as I need it to be, the chemicals involved. There are plenty of plusses to this process, and I just shake my curly mane and let it evolve. My health has been on the line for a while now, and I do a little sneaky applause for myself in ditching additional nasties.
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Great article , but not for me I am over 60% grey and I just hate the color so I highlight to a cool blonde .If my hair went a beautiful white than I would would stop highlighting and just add pink !
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Just starting to get some, hope I don't cave in and start coloring ;)
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Good, but not for me. I will always dye my hair.
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