4 yrs, 4 mths ago

Making friends as an adult

Hey beauties,

I hope you all had a lovely weekend!

I want to write an article about how to make friends as an adult.

I know we have a tonne of members, all with different life experiences, so I would love to know how you managed to make friends as a grown-up.

Feeling lonely and struggling to make connections can be so isolating, so I would love to get your insights to put together something that will hopefully help people make those connections and feel less alone.

Whether it be through work, study, sport, online or a hobby, anyway (no matter how unique) you made some new pals as an adult – as well as your tips for anyone else struggling to make friends.

Thanks so much,

x Jess

47 comments 32 voices

Replies

  • 4 yrs, 3 mths ago

    I lost majority of my friends 3 years ago when I got really sick after complications after surgery, which led to an acquired brain injury. My “friends” slowly stopped coming or talking to me because I’m not the same person I was before my ABI. I tire very easily; get really bad overstimulation from lights, noise and people; I get anxiety and panic attacks; and I can no longer understand sarcasm or jokes, plus so many other issues. I’m ok with not having many of my old friends as I learned who they truly are.

  • 4 yrs, 4 mths ago

    I’ve never thought about it since becoming a mum, but really I think I only have 1 actual friend who I occasionally see (who is also a mum)
    I’d have to agree with the other ladies, I’ve noticed most of my “so called friends” weren’t the best people for me, very toxic in our different aspects in life. And the friends I made through working in hospitality seemed truely awful. Honestly makes me feel very cautious of being too close to others especially now that I have a child since they would just spread so many false and baseless rumours, I just find myself in a mess that has nothing to do with me :’(

  • 4 yrs, 4 mths ago

    Honestly, I don’t think I’ve made any lasting friendships as an adult, possibly just because I’m an introvert and don’t have a lot of confidence to go and spark a conversation with someone. Like others on here though my boyfriend is an extrovert and literally sees one of his friends wherever we go. Though he is really my best friend and the person I tell everything to and rely on for adult social interaction.

    I have a few friends from high school that I see once a month or so, the other ones I drifted away from slowly. I made some friends in uni that I only ever saw at uni, and again, once uni was over I never saw those people again. I also made friends at my part time job while in uni, but we drifted a part and had nothing to talk about when we couldn’t talk about work anymore.

    Since I am a casual teacher I move around schools a lot, so I don’t work at one place long enough to forge connections there. I don’t play any sports or enjoy hobby type clubs so honestly it’s hard making new friends as adult. Besides my boyfriend I spend a lot of time with my family and pets (I have a lot of pets). I also enjoy speaking to people on here for sure. Though it’s hard making new friends I don’t really feel lonely , probably because of the introvert nature and I’m happy spending time in my own company.

  • 4 yrs, 4 mths ago

    I agree that it is hard to make new friends as an adult, especially for those who have very busy schedules. Personally, I find at the moment most my down time is spent enjoying my own company or getting my life on track. I still make time for my friends but I wouldn’t say I’m actively putting myself out their to find new friends.

    At the end of the day, I would like to make new friends but if it doesn’t happen it doesn’t bother me. Life can be so hectic sometimes and sometimes making time for finding new friends isn’t important. I believe everybody goes through different stages of life. Some you will be spending lots of time among your friends, making new friends.Other stages you will be spending more time alone, exploring your interests, hobbies and goals. I’m in the alone stage at the moment and that’s okay.

  • 4 yrs, 4 mths ago

    I don’t believe that one needs many friends, but I always make an effort to keep in touch with a few whom I know they would always be there for me no matter what.

    I haven’t made new friends for a very long time but in the past couple of years I have made some great friends. I think it is important to make friends with an ongoing common interest.

    1. I made a wonderful friend through the mother’s group when my daughter was a new born. There is one other mother I keep seeing every week, and my daughter and her son are besties. We do not have a lot of common interests apart from our children, but that is quite a lot to talk about every week!

    2. I made a friend through this forum! I am so grateful that I met Tigerlily through a swap. And then on an almost daily basis we talked about our products, our stash (which could last until the end of universe). She is a great listener, and I can tell her everything from my work to personal issues.

    • 4 yrs, 4 mths ago

      I moved to two different countries over 10 years so many of my friends are scattered around the world. I moved back to Australia 3 years ago and reconnected with a couple of friends that I had kept in touch with however many of them have a different lifestyle to me now i.e. married with kids, so it becomes difficult to maintain an “”active”” friendship and that`s OK.

      I haven`t made many new friends since moving back however have met many lovely BH members at the events and I`m so glad I mustered enough courage to attend my first event which was Glosscars 2018. SJ has been a great friend to me and I love chatting beauty and non-beauty stuff with her. BH has been a great channel to meet people with a similar interest which I think is really important.

    • 4 yrs, 4 mths ago

      sj where have you been??? I think IndieAna mentioned you were on holiday but I was beginning to think you weren’t coming back! Good to see you.

      • 4 yrs, 4 mths ago

        Hi Okatko! How are you? Thank you, that`s so sweet of you to leave a message for me! I did go on holiday but came back to a strata hot mess. Been very busy fighting against the strata manager since – calling EGM and campaigning for votes, etc etc.

        Apart from a heavy sleep debt, I have otherwise been well.

        Miss the gang here.

      • 4 yrs, 4 mths ago

        I`ve been super busy skincare junkie. so many commitments!! so I haven`t been on BH as much as I`d like. That will probably continue up until February, once Christmas is over (and various birthdays), school has started again etc

        With Trish and jatz taking a break from BH I was wondering whether you were doing the same.

        Campaigning for votes?? Are you planning on wearing another hat?

        Members come (yay) and go (noooo) but some members have been such a beautiful presence on here and I do miss them.

      • 4 yrs, 4 mths ago

        I noticed that the forum has been quite quiet. Not sure if it was the wheather or the negativity that was spread around a couple of months back. I have always enjoyed chatting with lovely people here, but with so much work (and a lot of that on the computer) I needed to prioritise and reduce my screen time.

        I hope your busy is good busy 🙂 hang in there. christmas is just a few weeks away!

        I am the chair of my strata scheme (large scheme of over 250 lots), and many issues emerged in the last 2 months. Our strata manager is completely useless. We are in the process of getting rid of them and bring a competent one on board. Lots of contract reviews, letter drafting, notice drafting, etc for me to do. Campaigning for votes from owners. We need 50%.

      • 4 yrs, 4 mths ago

        I keep thinking “I just need to get through the next 6and a half weeks” !!

        We have an accreditation visit coming up at work and I’m nowhere near ready. It’s a whole lot of red tape bs but it’s gotta be done.

        Good luck on getting the votes you need.

  • 4 yrs, 4 mths ago

    I’ve made two amazing friends through here that I will have for life 🙂

  • 4 yrs, 4 mths ago

    Oof… I am finding making friends in my 30s so much harder. Partially because I’m so much more aware of who I am and who others are.

    The hard part for me is that at this age, I am keenly aware when people are rare, and I am keenly aware when I love them. I am also keenly aware that they will come and go and it’s very tolling for me. I’m someone who gets attached to people and I’ve learned by now that very few people truly stuck around – not maliciously… life just gets that way, it carries people off with the tide.

    The older I get the more value I see in GOOD people… the more I see them for the gems they are… the harder it becomes for me to stomach that they will leave my life again.

    I meet most people through work and online. Those are the ways that work for me. Meeting people through hobbies never worked for me – it always felt forced for me, I ended up investing hours into getting to know people and once our fronts were down we just were not compatible friends. So I stick to online and work.

    I think struggling to make connections became easier for me to stomach once I realized that I am just someone who needs to observe others for a while before I show my colours. That’s just how I am. I think part of being able to be alone was knowing and accepting myself first.

    • 4 yrs, 4 mths ago

      I hear you NellAdams. I am in the same predicament.
      Good friends are hard to find & making new one.
      I recently had a Girls Luncheon (I was the organiser).
      There were some new members to our luncheon so we decided to get the conversation going about how they all knew me. 2x from school; 1x I used to work with; 1x met thru a previous friend; 1x met by chance on a trip to GC & 1x who is the wife of a guy I used to study with. I now work from home so meeting people is hard. I have made friends with one of my neighbour`s who is around my age so we get to catch up for coffee now & then.
      If anyone comes up with some `real` ideas, I`d love to hear them. Don`t mention hobbies or clubs because I am not interested. I find that I am usually the youngest person in the room with nothing in common with anyone else.

    • 4 yrs, 4 mths ago

      Sometimes you need to see their colours before you show your own.

  • 4 yrs, 4 mths ago

    I will openly say I find it hard to make new friends.

    Throughout my high school experience I was burnt time and time again with my ‘so called best friends’ which I realise now has scarred me with some serious trust issues when meeting new people and developing that trust with people.

    Over the years I’m trying to break down this barrier however I find I’m now socially awkward when trying to get to know people and trying to open up !!!

    I’m looking forward to seeing what you right and maybe through your findings people have provided tips and tricks and / or ice breakers to meet new people and build good connections.

    • 4 yrs, 4 mths ago

      I`ve been burnt at the hands of friends before back in high school. Thankfully they weren`t my besties and tbh, I really don`t even know why I kept them as friends because after a while they showed their true colours, but it still sucked when they betrayed me. Luckily for me, I had other friends that I could lean on, which was a blessing.

      • 4 yrs, 4 mths ago

        Seashells I have also been burned by so called friends as well, when I was in primary and high school I was teased relentlessly so I couldn`t trust anyone in School. I was never popular at all.

        Still today I am always unsure of people`s motives if they were genuine or not.

      • 4 yrs, 4 mths ago

        That’s the aspie talking. Taking things at face value and seeing the good in everybody you come across (except maybe politicians and their rich friends, lol).

        I think this story is that of every autistic kid at school, and now, every autistic adult. It didn’t stop at school… it just moved to the workplace (there was this one guy who was such a jerk to me because I was different, regardless of the fact I did my job well).

        But yeah, I think what we had in our toxic friendships was the guilt or consequence of letting them go. You’re just trying hard to be nice and have friends, and people take advantage of that, then throw you in front of a bus if it conveniences them.

  • 4 yrs, 4 mths ago

    I’m one of those talkative introverts. I don’t have a problem making friends and connecting to people, I have issues keeping them around. I’ve drifted apart from many over the years.

    As an adult, I’m just content with my own company. I do care about my friends, old and new, but I’m probably just too tired and overwhelmed to make any effort. I should mention that it’s difficult to forge relationships when you’re on the autism spectrum, so a lot of my social misgivings can be attributed to that.

    I don’t really crave the company of others. It doesn’t mean I’m lonely or can’t feel things, it just means that I’m not always in a state to form relationships (friendships included, but especially sex and romance – I’m asexual, demiromantic).

    I’ve made a lot of friends at the dog park, and of course, there are cliques and such, but I make an effort to talk to everybody. I’ve also got the great community on here, a karaoke group I go out to have drinks with, and a bunch of friends online. I’m definitely not lonely!

    • 4 yrs, 4 mths ago

      rivetlicker totally agree with what you have said because I don`t make friends easily either and being on the autism spectrum most people don`t understand and don`t want to understand either, it does make it very difficult to make friends.

  • 4 yrs, 4 mths ago

    Working on my contribution to this post. Lots of editing and deleting happening. Then I’ll sit on it for a few days……

    • 4 yrs, 4 mths ago

      Sounds like my post above! There was more I could`ve added to it, but it was all a bit too personal & I was getting really emotional (to the point of waterworks) thinking about this topic.

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