Do you have better sex as you get older?

Let’s talk about sex, beauties! More specifically, about how sex evolves and changes as we age. It’s said that women reach their sexual peak in their late 30s/early 40s, but how much does this peak have to do with science, and how much with social factors? And does being in a relationship or marriage change the way you experience sex? Check out our Q&A with Clinical Psychologist, Gemma Cribb of Equilibrium Psychology, who gives us an insight into sex, women and relationships.
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In what ways does sex change/evolve from your 20s to your 30s and 40s?
In their 20s women are often overly focused on the physical: [whether] they find their partner 'hot' and how they, and their partner 'performs'. During sex the focus can be on how 'good' they are in bed and how they look.
In their 30s a lot of women are less superficial. Sex becomes about connection and intimacy more so than the 'fireworks' of the attraction that drove youthful sex.
During their 40s women often know what they like in bed and are more confident at asserting themselves. Sex can be more satisfying as a mutually enjoyable experience without the trappings of 'hotness' or marriageability as secondary agendas.
Are there social factors that contribute to these changes?
Yes definitely. The biological clock, wanting commitment and babies, and whether women are in a committed relationship, [all] play a part in how they choose a sexual partner. In their 20s women often choose based on superficial values as they aren't necessarily looking to 'settle down'. In their 30s many women are looking to find 'Mr Right' and forgo the more superficial concerns to pick a sexual partner who is a 'better match' on a broad range of levels.
In their 40s women often return to being sexual for pleasure's sake and, depending on their relationship circumstances, will choose partners who are able to meet their sexual needs. They can also have the confidence to explore their sexual curiosities, rather than the faux sexual curiosity of the 20s (which is more often about what they think is desirable).
Are there scientific factors that contribute to these changes?
Social and life cycle pressure is a real phenomenon which will affect sexual experience. Other than this, the biological effects of hormonal change will influence a woman's sex drive and therefore her willingness to engage in sex. It is commonly known that the quality of the relationship and the emotional connection has the majority [of the] influence on most women's sex drive. However women often reach their libidinal peak hormonally in their late 30s and early 40s and their sex drive drops off when they reach menopause.
Do you think sex gets better when you're in a long-term relationship/marriage? Why/why not?
It can get better if you have open communication and the comfort of a long-term relationship allows you to fully express your desires and experiment with them. However a lot of people find that familiarity allows a drop in sex drive generally and so a lot of couples find their sex lives become more routine, habitual and less fulfilling.
From your experience as a sex and intimacy specialist, at what age would you say women experience 'the best sex of their life' and why?
I would say women experience the best sex at the age they happen [to come] across a partner with whom they feel most comfortable communicating what they like with. Also if they come to an age when they are less self conscious about their body and can relax into the experience. Both of these experiences tend to occur in their 30s and 40s.
Spice it up
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Do you agree with Gemma’s analysis? How do you think sex changes as you age?
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82 Member Comments
It definitely gets better as you get older! I'm so much more confident and happy to express what I want than when I was a teen/in my early 20's
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I'm in my mid 30's & never had issues with my hubby since I was in my early 20's it's always been great -we are quite comfortable with each other but I must admit since having the kids & working etc we can't really be bothered half the time! We are just too tired LOL
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Great article. It's not something that is present in my life at the moment, as I'm separated pending a divorce. Perhaps in the distant future it will again become important to me.
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Being single, noticed that I have more drive with age , way more =0
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It definitely has to do with being attracted to the person you're in love with along with how comfortable you feel with them. Mine has gotten better with passing age and it's more passionate than ever before.
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Can't we all remember what a disaster the first time was haha It sure does get better with age!! I think life in general gets better each year!
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I'm 51, had a surgical menopause at 38, and sex has only got better and better as the years have gone on. I'm not sure that the libido drops with age or menopause; mine certainly hasn't. Perhaps I've just got a healthy appreciation for it, and sex is really generated in the brain. Relax, people, it doesn't go south unless you want it to.
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Great article. I can relate to a lot of these things.
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I have heard so many people say it gets better with age, I guess it makes sense because you're more in touch with yourself!
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interesting, but i do like to try new things sometimes
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I think it doesn't get better or worse, it just changes depending on your circumstances and relationship status. New relationship sex is great at any age!
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I'm intrigued by the feather toy. It looks like a party horn lol.
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I've got a red feather duster which is not used for housework, if you know what I mean. I originally bought it at Woolies, I think. And a red fly swatter which is not used for flies, plus a big, black carpet-beater which is never used on carpet. I'm stopping there.
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I think it all depends on circumstance
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This was an enjoying read, fingers crossed for the future!
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Interesting read.
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I am not sure about this, I think it really depends on who you are with and how long you have been with them. How comfortable you are and how well you communicate.
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Ahem. May I also say: practice makes perfect!
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It sure did for me. Oh the naughty '40's!
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Hahaah and the dirty thirties !
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Oh la la!
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What a great read, I definitely think over time level of maturity, social circle and experience changes your experience.
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I guess confidence is a major
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And why shouldn't us ladies lol
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I feel that this is a bit of a private issue. And to me sex is something that two people in Love do and the reasons for this are between a couple. And i think age is not important to me.
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