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    How to be better friends with your ex (because you know you want to)

    Updated:16 Jan 2020 10:58 AM | Posted by
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    Breakups suck. Anyone who's ever ended a serious relationship — be that ending long-awaited, mutual, drama-filled or out of the blue — knows that saying goodbye to a big part of your life can be difficult.
     
    And the emotional roller coaster of breakups can often mean that you're not always on best of terms with your now-ex, after the dust has settled. Whether there's just too much history, or there's a strange awkwardness between you, maintaining a platonic friendship after dating someone is one of life's biggest mysteries — which is why we don't often do it.
     
    But even though some exes definitely aren't worth the effort, there are lots of fish thrown back into the sea that would be great mates, or were great mates before you dated.
     
    So why shouldn't you reach out? As long as both parties aren't toxic and are both agreeable, it can be a good thing to foster a friendship with someone that you spent a lot of time with.
     
    We caught up with relationship expert and dating coach, Samantha Jayne, to find out the best ways to turn a past love into a present pal.
     
    [Instagram]https://instagram.com/p/BNes-njAvSj/?utm_source=ig_embed[/Instagram]
     
    Why should I be buddies with my old flame?
     
    There are a number of reasons to maintain a relationship with an ex. Whether it's because you simply don't want them to be completely out of your life, or because they're an all-around excellent person, exes aren't all bad.
     
    "There can be benefits to staying friends with your ex, especially if you have a history," Samantha tells us. 
     
    "Maybe you shared a lot of good memories, maybe they are supportive of your goals, maybe you have shared resources such as a home, pet, friendship circle or social network.  
     
    "Rather than starting from scratch you can change the dynamic of the relationship… but only if there are is no sexual attraction. 
     
    "Staying friends with an ex has the benefits of providing you with security, emotional comfort, support and positive emotions," says Samantha. 
     
    "Some people transition into friendship once attraction is gone and some people transition into friendship once they have met someone else. There is no right or wrong. Do what genuinely feels right."
     

     

    Are there reasons I shouldn’t let them back into my life?

    Of course! Not all relationships are created equal, and sometimes relationships were ended for very, very good reasons. If your partner was incompatible, manipulative or abusive, it's not a good idea to get back involved with them — even if it's platonic, and even if it's at their urging. 

    Make sure to think about your relationship and your ex's personality and disposition before reaching out.
     
    "Sometimes staying friends with an ex is purely about avoiding drama. Maybe they haven't let go of you and you are trying to be civil. This is not good in the long run as there is an unresolved attraction and tension," says Samantha. 
     
    "Sometimes people like to move on from the past and remaining friends can be a roadblock to finding someone new — keeping your ex in the background can fill the void of loneliness but will ultimately keep you from getting back out there."
     
    New relationships on either side can be factors, too. "You might have moved on or they have moved on and the new partner is not comfortable with your friendship. This is understandable and should be respected."
     
    Friendships are also best to be avoided if your ex still expresses displays of control over you. "If they obsess over you or want to continue to control you, then they have problems letting go. It's unhealthy to remain friends in these situations because they might try to sabotage your new relationship. So it is best to adopt a zero contact policy."
     
     
    How should I go about bridging the gap between my ex and myself?
     
    1. Have some time apart. Mourn the relationship. Real time apart and completely disengage. No phone, text, social media. This will give you time to heal. You should do this for 3 months minimum — some may need more time. Use this time to focus on your hobbies, work, and living happily.
     
    If you're still unsure if you're ready to reach out as friends, ask yourself "How would I feel if I saw your ex with someone new?" If you still feel pain or become emotional, then you're not ready.
     
    2. Clarify your motives . Identify why you would like to maintain the friendship. Is it healthy for you? Closure, emotional support? Do you still feel attraction? Do they still feel attraction are you genuinely wanting to be friends or is it a power thing?
     
    3. Get in touch with your ex. Be open, tell them how you feel and how you want to remain friends. Be prepared for anything. They could welcome your contact or reject it. If they agree, the best way to go about connecting is to take the pressure off and spend time together as a part of a group.
     
    4. Don't fall back into old patterns. Keep up boundaries. Limit communication — try not to text them daily like you did when you were in a relationship.  Don't put yourself in a position with alcohol, an evening date or go to places where you used to go when you were in love.  Lay down the rules and be strong about them. Don't talk about your relationship. Look forward and be a true friend. No flirting or sex talk. Don't talk about the things that bother you like you would to a partner. This is a whole new dynamic. Most importantly, don't doubt the breakup and stick to your guns.
     
    5. Be genuine about your friendship. Be prepared they may meet someone else. If during your friendship you notice that it ignites your feeling of love and attraction or vice versa, take a step back and time out until those feelings settle, then you can reassess. Be optimistic about your relationship and don't try to compare it to the past.
     
    Go forth and be friendly.

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    STACYBLAKE 18 Apr 2020 5:56 PM

    I feel very happy to share my great and wonderful testimony with everyone on this site,I was married for 4 years to my husband and all of a sudden another woman came into the picture he started hating me and he was abusive.but i still loved him with all my heart and wanted him at all cost.... He filed for divorce and my whole life was turning apart and i didn't know what to do, he moved out of the house and abandoned me and the kids... my very close friend told me about trying spiritual means to get my husband back and introduced me to a spell caster  called Dr Larry so i decided to try it. although i didn't believe in all those things then, but when Dr Larry did the special prayers and spell, after 2 days, my husband came back and was pleading that he had realized his mistakes I just couldn't believe it,  we are back together now and we are happy in case anyone needs help here is his email address; assurancesolutionhome@gmail.com His spells is for a better life OR call his whatsapp number +14242618520 or contact him on his website : http://assurancesolutioncenter.website2.me/  blog   http://assurancesolutioncenter.over-blog.com

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    kruph joy 10 Apr 2020 5:19 AM

    Sincerely i was so crushed Sincerely i was so crushed when my Husband of 8 years left me and moved to Quebec City to be with another woman.The pains was just too much for me to bear that I couldn’t just bear it anymore. So i had to reached out to the Internet for help until i found out that Dr. love was the real deal.. I had tried the whole lot I knew, and with your spells, blessings and extraordinary magical powers, you did all the work for me, which you have guaranteed me positive result in 48 hours, my Ex Husband came back to me and he was remorseful for the whole lot he has done And now my life is balanced and i am happy again. Dr Love you do a great service to people. Friends in case you need the help of Dr Love kindly mail him on (lovespelldoctor0@gmail. com) 

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    hello everyone My Name is COLLIN LETCOUT and i am from USA.My wife left me for the the past months now, and she refused to come back to the house because she was hold on by a man whom she just met, for that, i have been suffering from this and it has been heel of a struggle because she left the kids for me, but I decide to do all means to make sure that my wife return and come back as it used to, then I went online there I saw so many good testimonies about this spell caster called DR SALATO whose email is drsalatosolutiontemplea@gmail.com so i decided to contact him and i explained my problem to him and in just 3 days after casting a spell just has He promised, my wife came home and her behavior was back to the woman i got married to. I cannot thank DR SALATO enough for what he did for me, i am so grateful and i will never stop to publish his name on the internet for the good work he has done for me. once again his email drsalatosolutiontemplea@gmail.com website link http://drsalatosolutionte0.wixsite.com/drsalato or Call/WhatsApp:+2348103629945

    COLLINLETCOUT 27 Mar 2020 11:02 AM

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    hello everyone My Name is COLLIN LETCOUT and i am from USA.My wife left me for the the past months now, and she refused to come back to the house because she was hold on by a man whom she just met, for that, i have been suffering from this and it has been heel of a struggle because she left the kids for me, but I decide to do all means to make sure that my wife return and come back as it used to, then I went online there I saw so many good testimonies about this spell caster called DR SALATO whose email is drsalatosolutiontemplea@gmail.com so i decided to contact him and i explained my problem to him and in just 3 days after casting a spell just has He promised, my wife came home and her behavior was back to the woman i got married to. I cannot thank DR SALATO enough for what he did for me, i am so grateful and i will never stop to publish his name on the internet for the good work he has done for me. once again his email drsalatosolutiontemplea@gmail.com website link http://drsalatosolutionte0.wixsite.com/drsalato or Call/WhatsApp:+2348103629945

    Morgancole 26 Mar 2020 7:59 PM

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    My life was destroyed when my husband sent me packing, after 17 years we have been together. I was lost and helpless after trying so many ways to get my husband back to me. One day at work, I was distracted, not knowing that my boss called me, so he sat and asked me what it was all about, I told him and he smiled and said it was no  problem. I never understood what he meant by it was no problem getting back my husband, he said he used a spell to get back his wife when she left him for another man,  and now they are together till date and initially I was shocked hearing something from my boss. He gave me an email address of the DR Ayoola which helped him get his  wife back, I never believed that this would work, but I had no choice coming into contact with the sayings that I get done, and he asked for my information and that my  husband was able to propose to throw him the spell and I sent him the details, but after two days, my mother called me that my husband was pleading that he wants me back, I never believed, because it was just a dream and I had to rush off to my mother's place and to my greatest surprise, was kneeling my husband beg me for  forgiveness that he wants me and the child back home, when I gave DR Ayoola a conversation regarding sudden change of my husband and he made clear to me that my  husband will love me until the end of the world, that he will never leave for another woman. Now me and my husband is back together and started doing funny things he  has not done before, he makes me happy and do what it is supposed to do as a man without nagging. Please if you need help of any kind help, please contact DR Ayoola  for help. His email is drayoolasolutionhome@gmail.com or call him on whatsapp +31684065675 or  https://twitter.com/DrAyoola1   website https://drayoolasolutionhome.com/   

    julius2020 4 Mar 2020 8:16 AM

    i am very grateful i come across this article, i I would like to share my testimony with everyone. My name is julius blunts,. After 6 years of marriage , my wife left me for another man, which led to frustration. I did everything to get her back, but nothing was done, until an old friend told me about love priest on the internet who helped him solve a similar problem. At first I doubted it, but I decided to give him a try. and i contacted (lovetemple0001@gmail.com. He helped my wife come back and within 48 hours my wife came back home. I can't help but thank priest. Contact this great reconciliation on any of your problems, he is able to provide a lasting solution to all your problems:whatsapp+17692085860 (1) Break and love (2) bring back your ex or lost love (3) end the divorce or divorce lot (4) wedding love (5) Fate of pregnancy and child (6) business (7) Remove the disease (8) you want women / men to run after you (9) winning lottery numbers 10) you want to be rich and famous (11) You want to be promoted in your office (12) sickness cure e.t.c

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    julius2020 4 Mar 2020 8:16 AM

    i am very grateful i come across this article, i I would like to share my testimony with everyone. My name is julius blunts,. After 6 years of marriage , my wife left me for another man, which led to frustration. I did everything to get her back, but nothing was done, until an old friend told me about love priest on the internet who helped him solve a similar problem. At first I doubted it, but I decided to give him a try. and i contacted (lovetemple0001@gmail.com. He helped my wife come back and within 48 hours my wife came back home. I can't help but thank priest. Contact this great reconciliation on any of your problems, he is able to provide a lasting solution to all your problems:whatsapp+17692085860 (1) Break and love (2) bring back your ex or lost love (3) end the divorce or divorce lot (4) wedding love (5) Fate of pregnancy and child (6) business (7) Remove the disease (8) you want women / men to run after you (9) winning lottery numbers 10) you want to be rich and famous (11) You want to be promoted in your office (12) sickness cure e.t.c

    Adrianna55 16 Feb 2020 8:12 AM

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    roselyn mendoza 14 Feb 2020 5:30 PM

    i will love to share my testimony to you all the people in world i got married to my husband about 4 year ago we start having problems at home like we stop sleeping on the same bed,fighting about little things he always comes home late at night,drinking too much and sleeping with other women out side i have never love any man in my life except him. he is the father of my child and i don't want to loose him because we have worked so hard together to become what we are and have today .few month ago he now decided to live me and the kid,being a single mother can be hard sometimes and so i have nobody to turn to and i was heart broken.i called my mom and explain every thing to her,my mother told me about DR.azen how he helped her solve the problem between her and my dad i was surprise about it because they have been without each other for three and a half years and it was like a miracle how they came back to each other. i was directed to DR. Bashiru on his email:(alhajibash69@gmail.com and explain everything to him,so he promise me not to worry that he will cast a spell and make things come back to how we where so much in love again and that it was another female spirit that was controlling my husband he told me that my problem will be solved within two days if i believe i said OK So he cast a spell for me and after two days my love came back asking me to forgive him i Am so happy now. so that why i decided to share my experience with every body that have such problem contact Dr Bashiru the great spell caster on his email addresses (alhajibash69@gmail.com)or whatsapp Dr Bashiru on (+14087216629)

    roselyn mendoza 14 Feb 2020 5:29 PM

    i will love to share my testimony to you all the people in world i got married to my husband about 4 year ago we start having problems at home like we stop sleeping on the same bed,fighting about little things he always comes home late at night,drinking too much and sleeping with other women out side i have never love any man in my life except him. he is the father of my child and i don't want to loose him because we have worked so hard together to become what we are and have today .few month ago he now decided to live me and the kid,being a single mother can be hard sometimes and so i have nobody to turn to and i was heart broken.i called my mom and explain every thing to her,my mother told me about DR.azen how he helped her solve the problem between her and my dad i was surprise about it because they have been without each other for three and a half years and it was like a miracle how they came back to each other. i was directed to DR. Bashiru on his email:(alhajibash69@gmail.com and explain everything to him,so he promise me not to worry that he will cast a spell and make things come back to how we where so much in love again and that it was another female spirit that was controlling my husband he told me that my problem will be solved within two days if i believe i said OK So he cast a spell for me and after two days my love came back asking me to forgive him i Am so happy now. so that why i decided to share my experience with every body that have such problem contact Dr Bashiru the great spell caster on his email addresses (alhajibash69@gmail.com)or whatsapp Dr Bashiru on (+14087216629)

    Anoymous 3 Feb 2020 1:16 PM

    Am here to say a big thank you to Dr, Dolly for his marvelous work and his great spirits for saving my Relationship. No one would have believe that I and my Boyfriend will ever come back together again as lovers. But this great spell caster united us in just 48 hours Dr. Dolly is truly a real and honest online spell caster. Contact him now if you are going through relationship or marriage problem on: Email: dollyspelltemple@gmail.com. All thanks to Dr, Dolly once again...

    Shop A Everyday 20 Jan 2020 3:14 PM

    Depends on the circumstances, being friendly for the sake of the kids is one thing, friends is another

    Valeriepancaster 2 Dec 2019 9:58 PM

    Thank you Robinson.Buckler for bringing my ex Lover back to me and re.uniting our love together. I so much love my ex lover and can’t ever imagine myself losing him to anyone. Am so thankful Sir. You can Google his amazing works how he has helped a lot of people going through breakups, divorce, heart broken, depression and rejection. ETC.He can help you dear. Contact Robinson.Buckler today via Google his name as Robinson.Buckler the online spell caster for a review of his article……………((^^>>>>

    Margi59 22 Oct 2019 5:12 PM

    Afraid my Ex turned my Children against me when I was separated then divorced, he completely destroyed my life. There is no way I can be friends with my Ex let alone my Children who said some pretty nasty things to me, that can not be so easily forgiven.

    Since then I have remarried but still don't have a relationship with my adult Children.

    Jasminex4 14 Oct 2019 11:36 AM

    My situation is different as I live with him. I have the option of going home for a while but we are here for university. He broke up with me out of the blue and now have to see him every day.

    It’s really important for me to stay friends with him as we need to get along as we both have to pay rent.

    We don’t hate each other and ended things on good terms but it’s difficult because his feelings had changed but mine are still there.

    This post has helped.

    Yohanna 7 Jan 2019 2:54 PM

    I do not do relationships, thanks universe. Therefore, no ex baggage. Have seen though that those who keep 'friendly' after stuff they have done to themselves, suffer emotionally. Boring. I say move on and enjoy new life, happy one

    Lisa359 7 Jan 2019 11:05 AM

    I was glad to see the back of most of my ex's

    ThisIsMe 1 Jan 2019 8:09 PM

    I don't agree with being friends with an ex unless there are kids involved and you need to for their sake otherwise I don't agree...

    Nys Silver 17 Jan 2019 10:12 AM

    I was going to comment the exact same thing. I don't think it's healthy.

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