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14,241 topics, 530,081 posts, 7,958 voices

Current voices: Pink Hornet, Chicklet, Rose_P, Coconal, dream-angels, Miss Danger, ida683, Meedee, TheUglyDuckling, smurfette85, katshepsutt, CherryBlossom, chunky.monkeys, Cocoabutter, jatz, Trish_D.

Aug 21, 2014
Just_red_lips_2008__2_
Pink Hornet
396 posts

Topic: Anything but beauty / YAY!! I just reached 3000 posts.

Congratulations Trish_D, you are such a darling. I always look forward to reading your posts and always feel better after than I did before. A truly special beauty.

Aug 21, 2014
Imagesca3q4cfh
Chicklet
990 posts

Topic: Health & wellbeing / My pending relationship failure

It’s interesting – if the abuse was physical, your family would no doubt be telling you to get the hell out of there, yet one of the most terrifying positions to be in is when emotional control, emotional blackmail and emotional abuse escalates to the point of having a partner threaten to kill themselves, regardless of whether they would actually go through with it.

There are serious red flags in the behaviour you describe. Take care, reach out for professional help when needed and don’t let your decisions be dictated by the actions or threats of others.

I also agree that some time away could be beneficial, with it made very clear to him that things cannot continue if he continues this path of emotional abuse.

You sound like such a wonderful person, you’ve really endeared yourself to all of us on this thread and you deserve better.

Aug 20, 2014
Pink-rose
Rose_P
2103 posts

Topic: Anything but beauty / YAY!! I just reached 3000 posts.

Congratulations Trish!
Our forum wouldn’t be the same without you xxx

Aug 20, 2014
Eye-make-up_zoom
Coconal
5776 posts

Topic: Make-up / EOTD - new thread

Very pretty Coco!!! I love the beautiful liner and the outer eye flick of the eye shadow is brilliant!

Thank you so much, Cherry! ♥

Aug 20, 2014
Imagescasaxikr
dream-angels
159 posts

Topic: Talkback / BH Trial Team

Still no Rimmel foundation for me. How about the rest of you girls? Fingers crossed for Friday lol.

lol nope nothing yet, but as far as I remember the review was due late September so I guess we just have to wait patiently to receive the foundation, especially as there seem to be a lot of trails going on currently. Lets just hope the foundation will be great and worth the wait :)

Aug 20, 2014
Eye-make-up_zoom
Coconal
5776 posts

Topic: Health & wellbeing / My pending relationship failure

Oh TheUglyDuckling,

That sounds dreaful. I’m so very sorry to hear of what you’ve gone through…I can’t even begin to imagine it but all of what you’ve said sounds dreadfully draining, and you’re absolutely right when you say it’s emotional abuse. I think you definitely need a holiday away from everything so you can have some peace, a chance to sleep as long as you need, and most importantly, just stop thinking for a while.

Hugs to you. We’re here anytime you want to talk, and yes, it’s all anonymous. I think it’s a lot easier to say things to relative strangers than the people who know you best.

PS – It’s a pity we can’t have a party with roast chicken, apple pie, bacon, fries and ice cream! All my favourite things.

xx

Aug 20, 2014
Eye-make-up_zoom
Coconal
5776 posts

Topic: Health & wellbeing / What are you doing RIGHT NOW?

I figured it out…..I think……if I take a post with a link to it and Post a reply to it, my comment doesn’t go on…..but if I just Reply, it’s fine and appears….
Maybe it has to do with Spam filters……

Has this happened to anyone else??

Yes, I do remember this happening to me a while back. I reckon it’s cos of the link in the comment, and being picked up by spam filters.

No idea but I’ve just typed two replies to Coco’s blog post and lost them both. Replied to Kats and they’re fine. Maybe it does have something to do with the spam filters? You could well be right, Rose. How is your head now after the cider?
Oh dear, I feel guilty now for that! Nothing more annoying than tech problems, thank you for trying to leave a comment though!

I swear it’s like gremlins roam around trying to cause mischief…a friend told me my blog was down and then two seconds later, said she could access it again! And I have no idea why this happened!

Aug 20, 2014
Eye-make-up_zoom
Coconal
5776 posts

Topic: Anything but beauty / YAY!! I just reached 3000 posts.

Biggest congratulations to our darling Trish for her 3000 posts full of wisdom, love and humor when all else fails!
The forums would not be the same without our forum mom!

Aug 20, 2014
229
Miss Danger
213 posts

Topic: Make-up / BB cream - Help!

There is a store I keep going back to called http://www.roseroseshop.com/en/ and I’m addicted to buying all the Korean BB creams, you can get some great deals, Skin 79, Missha and Etude House are really good.

Aug 20, 2014
Avatar
ida683
2 posts

Topic: Skincare / IPL skin treatment for pigmentation

@xoFatima: Thank you.. I had been to Total Hälsa- the beauty salon and spa in Stockholm, Sweden. Here it is.. http://www.totalhalsa.se/

Aug 20, 2014
Picture_2_1_
Meedee
1590 posts

Topic: Anything but beauty / YAY!! I just reached 3000 posts.

whoo whee….Congrats Trish…and every post has been a gem.

btw..You wanted to know when U was jetting off to the US…Mums estate has only just been finalised so i will be booking very soon…Im just waiting for some legal papers and once they are signed im on my way.

Aug 20, 2014
Mistake
TheUglyDuckling
74 posts

Topic: Health & wellbeing / My pending relationship failure

To all of you who have so kindly written in this forum. Your words of wisdom and support in just a couple of days have been my little rays of light. I cannot thank you enough.

To anyone who has stumbled along this topic, please take the time to read. Not for me, but for those who have contributed. We have some wonderful people who have extended their time, their hearts and their thoughts to a complete stranger. You may find inspiration, guidance, or perhaps even advice of relevance to you or to someone you love in their time of need.

You’re all better than roast chicken, apple pie and bacon. And fries, can’t forget fries.

Aug 20, 2014
Untitled
smurfette85
40 posts

Topic: Make-up / BB cream - Help!

Love the chi chi too. Anything with caviar extract has to be good!!!!

Aug 20, 2014
Mistake
TheUglyDuckling
74 posts

Topic: Health & wellbeing / My pending relationship failure

Just be true to yourself, and don’t worry about the reactions of others.

You are both going through three of the most stressful life events that can happen to a person – being made redundant and moving to a new city, on top of getting married! The first two would be hard for anyone to cope with, let alone a couple of newlyweds.

My advice would be to try and separate whether you are both feeling stressed and down in the dumps from these events and whether this may be temporarily affecting your behaviour towards each other, versus how you truly feel about and treat each other.

While I would never advocate staying in a relationship you are not happy with, sometimes it just takes time to settle into a marriage, to get used to living together, and find your comfort level with each other.

Also, although I don’t know the details, emotionally-based threats are a form of abuse, and you mentioned this is happening. Do take this seriously.

Chicklet, this is the hardest part to reconcile (your comment “emotionally-based threats are a form of abuse”). This part seems to have been glossed over so easily in discussions with him, his family and mine (which I find ironic given my mother is both a nurse and a previous victim of relationship-based abuse), except when I’ve discussed the ongoing issues with my personal therapist. Juxtapose this (sic emotionally-based threats situation) with our joint relationship crises (insert excellent contributions from Zaralis and Misfortune8), and we have one great big confusing mess.

I just posted a response to Misfortune8, however the key component that relates to what you have written is this:

“For Misfortune8, I almost feel I would have to air out the dirty laundry to truly provide context. The negative behaviours began with belittling me (too old or cold), threatening ‘engage’ with other women, refusing to eat or drink, going for days without talking, to (and my final straw before my mental walls broke down) was then threatening his life. When I finally broke down was when his behaviour very suddenly changed to an air of calm, and I became the crazy one.”

For me personally, I know I need time to emotionally recover (and sleep) just to get things straight in my head and get some strength back. After three hours with a couples therapist, I am not sure whether my initial, dare I say assumption or theory, of his behaviour being one of emotional abuse. I’m not looking for excuses, but I own my issues and I try to tackle them. It would be great if it was an even playing field.

Thanks Chicklet, from one bird to another x

Aug 20, 2014
Katseye
katshepsutt
7719 posts

Topic: Industry watch / Just Blogged

Oh come on Sydney weather, you’re just way too dreary for me!
http://katscolourings.blogspot.com.au/2014/08/eotd-essence-jewel-up-ocean-and-ud.html

Loved this, Kats – the combination is beautiful, suits you and the top perfectly and makes me smile – like you always do.

My beloved Trish – YOU make me BEAM darling ♥ And I’ve just noticed you’ve hit 3000 posts! Gosh I HAVE to go to bed right this minute or I’ll never get up tomorrow morning, but heaps of congrats, plaque soon! xxx

Aug 20, 2014
20140122_153714
CherryBlossom
3381 posts

Topic: Anything but beauty / YAY!! I just reached 3000 posts.

Good pick up jatz.

Congratulations lovely Trish_ Dear.

BH is such a fantastic wonderful place because of someone as kind and generous as you. Your comments are always straight from the ♡heart♡ and encouraging to read. Wish you many many many many more posts!!!!!!!!!

Aug 20, 2014
Mistake
TheUglyDuckling
74 posts

Topic: Health & wellbeing / My pending relationship failure

Hi BHers. I recently married in May to a wonderful man, however things have turned very sour. When I came back from leave I was made redundant, our relationship has become extremely negative and isolated. As a previously very successful professional, this has been very hard for me to take, let alone for him who is having a hard time adjusting to living in a new city. So, it’s a really big shock. For me, it’s the little things that are really bringing me down. E.g. How he took it personally that I took the dog for a walk by myself for the first time since we wed. That resulted in a fight. It is looking like we shall just as quickly separate as we did marry.

As a woman in my mid-thirties who has no problem admitting to having PTSD and long-term anxiety (of which he was made aware), I do my very best to maintain an environment of positivity, support and learning, no doubt suffering a slight resistance to change. I accept that. What I do have difficulty with is admission of this relationship failure and living in this negative cycle.

My questions I put forth to the forum are as follows: 1) Is it okay to leave a relationship when it has come apart because one person is so emotionally co-dependent to cause such distress? – please note there have been other events such as emotionally-based threats (no physically-based violence). 2) What socially based stigma is truly attached to the failure of a marriage when it didn’t even last a year (keeping in mind I have never married, and went into this commitment with the full intention of being with this man for life; all other behaviours were a revelation). And lastly 3) Have I really failed?

I have spoken to three separate professionals: my personal psychiatrist who I see for my post traumatic stress disorder (I was hit by a car FYI but that’s all good), a highly reputable couples counsellor (as I am invested in this relationship), and a sex therapist (as it has naturally impacted this side of our relationship).

Not many people would come right out and say this, however I am happy to be that voice. It has gotten to the point where I feel things are beyond repair, even though we have an appointment to see our couples therapist tomorrow.

Brutal honesty and constructive suggestions shall be gratefully received.

My thanks to you all for reading x

I’m so glad I’m single. There’s a stigma attached to being single at my age, but I need my space!!
You’re younger than me, but you’ve become accustomed to your own personal space. Becoming redundant suddenly is, I believe, a big part of the problem. That’s a huge stress! You’re suddenly unemployed, he’s living in a new city! You’re got previous issues which you’re dealing with sensibly. Any marriage is going to take some getting used to. Add dramas to that situation – volatile mix!
Communication is key. The couples’ counselling is good.
You say you “do your very best to maintain an environment of positivity, support & learning…” wtf? Does that mean you bite your tongue instead of speak your mind? That’s a cryptic comment.
I see Zaralis’s point about the dog walking. In his mind, this could have been a significant bonding ritual, but to you a mere daily chore. Did he strut smugly with you beside him, proud of his ‘family’, talking about his hopes & dreams? A vital ‘de-stress’ of his workday with you by his side as you forge your new lives? That sounds so corny, but maybe it was a bigger deal for him than you realised. You never know what’s going on in someone else’s head – communicate your thoughts.
There is a stigma attached to any failed marriage, especially a very short one. So what? Social stigma or a life of misery? Which would you rather?
Emotionally-based threats? This is vague. I can’t tell if he’s manipulative, or desperately hurt & a poor communicator. Communication again! I’m glad you’re going to couples’ counselling.
How can you ask “Have I really failed”? You say you were a successful professional. How competitive are you that you see this as fail/succeed? Do you need a husband, dog & a house in the suburbs to feel like you’ve succeeded? Failure is the wrong way of looking at it. Try to salvage your marriage through counselling if you can. Only you & he can decide if it’s BETTER to part or to stay. If you stay in an unhealthy relationship out of fear of failure – that’s a worse mistake. Don’t look at it in terms of success or failure, to hell with social stigma.
Do what’s best for you, not what’s perceived as successful by society.
I really wish you well, this is a bastard of a situation. No easy answer, yet I’ve waffled forever.

Misfortune8, I really do love your reply. You’ve hit a number of very pointed nails right on the head, you’ve not missed a beat, and I love it (even my very sore spots can appreciate your perspective). You’ll hopefully see why in a sec.

There are two particular points that stand out to me: the first being my cryptic comment regarding my general approach re positivity etc. I like to be a happy person (glass half full, it’s not a problem but an opportunity, etc.) and this approach works for me. With that said, if people are being an atypical Debbie Downer, I will have a WTF moment and think ‘why are we wasting our time on this negativity when there’s better s@#t to be done?!’ So I can be viewed as overly enthusiastic, or even aggressive in my opinion. He is definitely not that kind of person, he is quite negative and more introverted, and an open Aussie approach just doesn’t fly. So censorship and delicacy is key.

Your second point on emotionally-based threats: I almost feel like I would have to air out the dirty laundry to truly provide context (deep breath, thank goodness for anonymity). The negative behaviours began with belittling me (too old or cold), threatening ‘engage’ with other women, refusing to eat or drink, going for days without talking, to (and my final straw before my mental walls broke down) was then threatening his life. When I finally broke down was when his behaviour very suddenly changed to an air of calm, and I became the crazy one. He literally called me crazy.

So, it’s a mess. Is couples’ counselling helping? I’m not 100% sure. We are three hours down and he still feels his behaviour is completely warranted, and I’m nuts. I’m depressed, hurt, emotionally exhausted, and really want to sleep. I think I’m too tired to think straight most days, but I do not think I’m crazy. So there we go. And no, you didn’t waffle. You have nothing but my heartfelt thanks for your response (because you sound just like me when I’m on top of things). Hugs to you, beautiful woman.

Aug 20, 2014
Katseye
katshepsutt
7719 posts

Topic: Industry watch / Just Blogged

Terracotta & green EOTD – especially for Meedee ♥
http://katscolourings.blogspot.com.au/2014/08/eotd-db-terracotta-and-essence-i-have.html

Aug 20, 2014
Skin-deep-350x262
chunky.monkeys
545 posts

Topic: Anything but beauty / YAY!! I just reached 3000 posts.

Trish, a big congrats on your 3000 posts. I know for me your posts are so warm and encouraging. You really are like a surrogate grandmother. I don’t know what else to say except I hope to keep seeing you here everyday. Hope Mr Trish is good too.

Aug 20, 2014
Pets-hamster-319
Cocoabutter
101 posts

Topic: Talkback / !! WARNING!!! HAUL:D

Hi Petal,

Just wondering how do you apply foundation, esp liquid when your skin is flakey? When I apply foundation on my flakey skin, the foundation highlights them :(

Thanks

Cocoabutter, I developed some flakiness on my face a few months ago after using a natural serum with vitamin C in it, so I’m still working out how to deal with it. I’ve changed my skin care, but that’s another story. As for foundations, I am experimenting with a huge range of them to find ones that are not so cakey, don’t highlight the larger pores (from the ageing process) and flaky patches. Some foundations sit better on dry skin than others, and it’s trial and error. I discovered that applying foundation with a brush on dry skin can create a micro exfoliating effect; lifting up the flakes. Using a sponge smooths the foundation onto the skin.

Here is a link to my favourite makeup artist, Wayne Goss. He shares a technique that may work for dry skin. You apply powder to the skin BEFORE liquid foundation. I’ve found that it occasionally works with some foundations:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EyQsVyGadbY

I do not like primers (more chemicals and silicone), but I’ve found two that help some foundations sit better on dry skin, probably because they contain glycerin. They are Nude by Nature Undercover Airbrush Primer and Becca Rejuvenating Primer. I’ve just bought the primer from Dermalogica, but I haven’t used it enough to pass judgement on it. I also often apply liquid foundation over rose hip oil and that sometimes helps.

Hi Petal,

It’s a little bit weird watching a guy putting makeup on. I like how he talks though. I will try this technique in the weekend and see how that goes. Thanks Petal.

Aug 20, 2014
Violet_butterfly
jatz
3260 posts

Topic: Anything but beauty / YAY!! I just reached 3000 posts.

Not sure if it is anywhere else but just noticed that my beautiful friendTrish has reached 3000 POSTS.
Congratulations Trish, a great job well done. I’ve enjoyed reading all your comments. :-))) xxx

Aug 20, 2014
White_flowers
Trish_D
3004 posts

Topic: Health & wellbeing / My pending relationship failure

I am so sorry this has happened, TheUglyDuckling – hopefully it will help you get your head cleared by talking and listening. Don’t stay until you are demoralised but don’t go when leaving will bring you queries later – hope that makes sense – if you need to stay to be quite sure that you’re doing the right thing, then do so but leaving before you are brought down would be wise.

Don’t think about anyone else’s opinion – YOU are the only one who matters in this scenario. Take care and know we’re thinking of you.

“If nothing ever changed there would be no butterflies.”

Trish_D, may I ask where that beautiful quote came from, or whom? It’s gorgeous x

Thanks TheUglyDuckling – I’m so pleased you like the quote. I’ve always loved quotes and have written down ones that have particularly reached out to me. I have no idea where this particular one came from but it’s one that I find incredibly meaningful. I did hope I wasn’t appearing flippant by adding a quote to my post so I’m so pleased it is meaningful for you too. I do hope you are being kind to yourself. Sending hugs.

Aug 20, 2014
Pink-rose
Rose_P
2103 posts

Topic: Health & wellbeing / What are you doing RIGHT NOW?

I figured it out…..I think……if I take a post with a link to it and Post a reply to it, my comment doesn’t go on…..but if I just Reply, it’s fine and appears….
Maybe it has to do with Spam filters……

Has this happened to anyone else??

Yes, I do remember this happening to me a while back. I reckon it’s cos of the link in the comment, and being picked up by spam filters.

No idea but I’ve just typed two replies to Coco’s blog post and lost them both. Replied to Kats and they’re fine. Maybe it does have something to do with the spam filters? You could well be right, Rose. How is your head now after the cider?
My head is absolutely wonderful thanks Trish!
The effects wore off pretty quickly thankfully. Like I said, I rarely drink, so it only takes a small amount to make me feel a bit tipsy.

Aug 20, 2014
Pink-rose
Rose_P
2103 posts

Topic: Make-up / Liquid Eyeliner

I’m really hopeless when it comes to liquid liner. The only one I can kind of manage is the felt tip pen style. I’ve got Eye of Horus liquid eyeliner pen, and it’s fantastic. I find that my eyes are really sensitive to eye makeup, but I can tightline with this without any problems at all. I’ve had it for ages and it’s still going strong. I won’t hesitate to repurchase when it runs out.

Aug 20, 2014
Mistake
TheUglyDuckling
74 posts

Topic: Health & wellbeing / My pending relationship failure

I am so sorry this has happened, TheUglyDuckling – hopefully it will help you get your head cleared by talking and listening. Don’t stay until you are demoralised but don’t go when leaving will bring you queries later – hope that makes sense – if you need to stay to be quite sure that you’re doing the right thing, then do so but leaving before you are brought down would be wise.

Don’t think about anyone else’s opinion – YOU are the only one who matters in this scenario. Take care and know we’re thinking of you.

“If nothing ever changed there would be no butterflies.”

Trish_D, may I ask where that beautiful quote came from, or whom? It’s gorgeous x