Serious phobia of ageing!!!

A girlfriend of mine went through the same thing as you, and it caused severe depression and other issues with her, it was so sad watching her go through this, she ended up having a cosmetic procedure that scarred her for life, and now she is in a position where she is afraid to leave the house because of it. What you are going through is very real, but what I think you should do is speak to a professional, it is very important, speak to your doctor who will refer you to someone you can speak to, we all have to age and thanks to the stupid media it makes us feel like we need to look 21 every day of our lives, the media paints a very unrealistic picture which tarnishes our future happiness, well this is what they want us to feel so that we could invest in many products which frankly do jack! You deserve to be happy and the happiness you need does not need to be revolved around how young you look. I am sorry you feel the way you do, I don’t want you going through what my good friend went through.

The phobia you’re describing sounds like it is part of what psychologists would call “unrelenting standards”. Put simply when we are traumatised in early childhood we develop various coping mechanisms to help us deal with the trauma and distract ourselves from it. So Scarlett_Angel it sounds like you’ve become fixated on anti-ageing and are setting yourself some, well essentially “unrelenting standards” – the idea being that stopping ageing is impossible – but as long as that is your goal you’re able to remain fully absorbed by it. Another more commonplace word for unrelenting standards is of course “perfectionism”. But you know what hon – it’s perfectly okay. It’s actually common for anyone who has painful experiences or memories to distract themselves with an idea or activity that helps them forget or avoid thinking about the things that hurt. The important thing is to become self-aware enough that you allow yourself these habits and preoccupations without beating yourself up about it or apologising for it. If this is how you cope, then you don’t have to explain it to anyone. In fact the more “okay” you feel about it, the less it will control you – the more you beat yourself up about it, the worse you will feel and the more anxious you may become. For me personally I use beauty as a way of making myself feel better. I love talking about beauty, and buying all the lovely things and collecting beauty products and so-on and I feel that within this website I am amongst gals who won’t judge me for my obsession! Who knows, you may end up being our resident expert on anti-ageing! I hope you find a miracle product and when you do – please share! I am sure us 40+ ladies will be all ears to your solutions. In the meantime be good to yourself hon.

Embrace it girls, use all of your wonderful assets as a positive….work with them and whatever is on the market to help stop the ageing process, and enjoy life

I’m 22 and must say i can relate to a lot of the things you said. I have worn heavy makeup for many years now since i’ve had acne and just not been happy with certain features of my face and i think that has made my skin age a whole lot, i see people around my age and their skin looks as smooth as a babies and i get so jealous. I am open to skin treatments and botox and think with ageing skin, prevention is key so if i have to i’d get botox at a young age (i never thought i would). I think whatever makes you happy then do it. I’ve always wanted to get married and have kids but i’m so happy being independent and am not the type who is scared to be alone that if that didn’t work out for me i wouldn’t mind. I HATE numbers when it comes to aging, i know this sounds stupid but i feel old already and sometimes i worry about time running out for certain things so i don’t enjoy birthdays as much as i should. I hope i can stop being so negative when it comes to my appearance but honestly think some skin treatments and maybe some plastic surgery will only allow this to happen. I wish i could be like everyone who embraces their flaws but i’m like you in that i’m a perfectionist. Everyone’s different though and we can never plan for things so it’s best to not rule anything out. You might be back on here in 10 years asking what brand is the best nappy rash cream lol (just kidding) 😛 I hope you can learn to love the highs and lows of life and when it comes to your appearance, it’s your face so do what you want – I hope you find a treatment that makes you really confident and that works for you. Good luck 🙂

I don’t know if I can relate to this so much, but I sort of feared turning 30 last year. Granted, I felt worse when I turned 25 (much worse), but there was an overall feeling of “I need to get my s*** together” because I’m not getting any younger & also wondering whether my time really is ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunning oooooooooooooooooout. (Sorry, a reference to a Muse song there.)

I’m quite lucky in that whilst I can notice the signs of aging (my pigmentation is getting worse – I swear I see a new dark spot every time I look in a mirror closely – and my smile lines & crows feet are deepening), nobody else really does. If you believed the people I have met in the last year or so, I can still pass for 26 – in fact, I did that How Old thing that BH was talking about the other day & in a photo I took 3 months ago, it told me I was 26. Mind you, I got anything from 26-36 (based upon a range of photos I uploaded) and I’m in between that (31 by the end of the year), so go figure. I only did it for fun though, so I take it with a grain of salt. I don’t do anything really anti-aging, although I am a lot more vigilant about wearing sunscreen now than I was in my mid-20’s. I think that’s why I have all the pigmentation that I have. Really, being vigilant with the SPF is probably the best anti-aging advice I could give someone.

Would I get Botox when I got older? Nah. I personally don’t like the whole frozen face thing, but each to their own & I shouldn’t be one to judge what someone else is doing in the quest for beauty & youth (although I am a total hypocrite because I do it anyway).

As for getting married/having kids, I’m still undecided tbh. I would like to get married, but the kids thing terrifies me. I’ve spoken about it before, but basically I don’t want them inheriting my anxious condition nor would I want to see them be bullied like I was in school. It’d break my heart; but by the same token, you could argue that I would be able to guide them in how to handle it perhaps better than my own parents did. I can definitely relate to you Scarlett_Angel in wanting to see your bullies suffer for their sins, but in another way, at some stage you do need to let go of it all because it can & will consume you. I haven’t quite learnt to let go yet, but I have looked for reasons within myself as to why I was targetted & I’m satisfied with what I’ve come up with.

I was just discussing this with a friend who didn’t believe it was a real phobia. It’s called *Gerascophobia* and it’s basically a fear of growing old/ageing. I’ve had this since I was a child, no joke, but after turning 21 every year that passes I get so depressed to the point of feeling suicidal. I’d rather die young, than face the horrors of ageing. I’m 27 now but even if I still look 22 every time I think of that number I feel sick. I *dread turning 30* and always thought I’d be dead by then.

Of course I’m obsessed with anti-ageing products and supplements. If I had the money I’d get Botox & other treatments in a second! I’m the type who’s never having kids. I don’t plan on having a mortgage or ever getting married. I can understand women who choose this path; perhaps wouldn’t fear ageing as much as for them it’s part of nature. Me personally, I’ve never wanted that kinda life. I want to travel, work an enjoyable job but not a 9-5 boring office type “career”. I’m fine being single and enjoy solitude. I’ve had bf’s in the past but we mostly lived separately, staying over each others places on weekends or going for getaways.

I don’t get lonely; in fact I used to *love* living alone back in my own studio apartment and as soon as I can I am moving back to one. I do have a few friends and enjoy going out only occasionally. Most of the “popular girls” who bullied me back in high school are now fat because they’ve let themselves go, are engaged/married with kids and when I see that I think how boring and mundane. They all talk about the same things over and over again and complain about how they wish their life was different, all while sitting there watching brainwashing TV shows. I just think “sheeple”. Not saying all married women are like this though; just the ones I know. So please don’t take offence as it’s not aimed at you.

I wonder sometimes, does anyone else feel this way?! Sorry I felt the need to vent somewhere…

I’m truly sorry if this offends anyone’s lifestyle; if you’re truly happy with your life choice then I’m glad for you =)

Hi SA, I’m 48 and I relate to almost everything you said. Actually you made more sense to me than most people (that’s not a put down on other people) . I understand the term ‘sheep ‘ aka ‘straw dogs ‘. I knew when I was 12 that I wasn’t getting married, not having children. That’s just how it was and is. It took me a little longer to accept my lot. I don’t think you need to be sorry about anything but that’s just my opinion. If I could afford to buy more beauty products and procedures I would but I look at the horrors that are called Hollywood beauties and I’m glad I didn’t go under the knife or the needle. Some people know when enough is enough and that’s fine with me too. Now I’m venting.😜. Thanks for putting yourself on the line. I hope this made sense. It’s a bit unusual to be talking about this stuff on a beauty forum but Hey? Liz

Scarlett_Angel: I’m 48. I HATE it! I make a point of telling people my real age. The response is usually positive. It’s my way of fighting denial, but obviously denial is much more soothing. Since childhood I had a fear of being elderly, it used to terrify me as a child & depress me as a teen. Age is something that arouses contempt in the young, but it’s going to happen. I’m single & childless by choice. I knew when I was a very young child that kids & marriage weren’t for me. My dream was to finally live all by myself, & I’m doing that. I’ve got a fear of the helplessness of aging. The elderly are spoken to like they’re children & treated with open contempt. I hope I never have to go to a nursing home.

I get the solitude thing. I don’t have any close friends & I rarely socialise apart from dating. I can’t bear to even date the same person for too long before I get sick of them or feel suffocated. You might want to google schizoid personality type. It sounds like schizophrenia but it’s unrelated, it’s just from the same root word “schism” which means removed.

Regarding the appearance of aging: learn to sleep on your back & wear sunscreen year round. Use a serum or combine serums containing: retinol, hyaluronic acid & vitamin C. If you do this, you can use any old moisturiser as long as you use it regularly. Good luck Scarlett_Angel!

Hi Scarlett_Angel, I can sort of relate to what you are saying. I consider myself to be a perfectionist so even the slightest imperfection on my face or body will consume my mind and I will obsess over it for awhile. I know it’s the OCD in me and it’s something I struggle with. I think deep down I have this innate desire to always look perfect and I know part of it has to do with my own insecurities as well as societal pressures. Whether it be the media, celebrities, family, friends…etc. But instead of looking at the “negatives” I try to write down all the positives in my life or what Im happy about in terms of my appearance. I know it sounds so cliche but writing it down and seeing it on paper really puts it in perspective. Even being thankful for something like sight, the ability to walk or to hear are stuff we take for granted. I try to tell myself that these are “first world problems” and there are A LOT worse things out there so I should be thankful for what I do or don’t have.

I’m a perfectionist too and totally relate to the OCD you mentioned… That’s a good idea. One I’ve tried before but unfortunately I tend to self sabotage myself and forget about it when things get really tough (I’m living in a terrible family situation atm and can’t get out for a while… long story) I’ll try this again though…. Thank you

Fortunately my genetics have dictated that I don’t start ageing until Im in my forties. And yet surprisingly the women in my family are as vain as they come, no one really knows what the women in my family looked like before, plastic fantastic I guess lol.

They have taught me a valuable lesson about plastic surgery…….. You get what you pay for so go find a rich husband to fund your quest for eternal youth. Haha just kidding!

You’re extremely lucky then! I may just have to find myself a sugar daddy then hahaha! We all know rich men don’t want marriage though lol! In any case, my quest for eternal youth continues! 😉

Hi Scarlett_Angel, I can sort of relate to what you are saying. I consider myself to be a perfectionist so even the slightest imperfection on my face or body will consume my mind and I will obsess over it for awhile. I know it’s the OCD in me and it’s something I struggle with. I think deep down I have this innate desire to always look perfect and I know part of it has to do with my own insecurities as well as societal pressures. Whether it be the media, celebrities, family, friends…etc. But instead of looking at the “negatives” I try to write down all the positives in my life or what Im happy about in terms of my appearance. I know it sounds so cliche but writing it down and seeing it on paper really puts it in perspective. Even being thankful for something like sight, the ability to walk or to hear are stuff we take for granted. I try to tell myself that these are “first world problems” and there are A LOT worse things out there so I should be thankful for what I do or don’t have.