12 yrs ago

workplace bullying.

a few years ago I experienced severe workplace bullying, to the point where I was forced to leave and had time off employment due to stress and doctors orders.

Recently I’ve started a new job and I am going through what I would call ‘workplace bullying’ once again. I am often called things like b**** – for example ‘today you’re going to by my _____’ and my small office is often filled with foul language (from all 3 female admin staff) and inappropriate conversations. I am often lumped with large amounts of work and offered very little or no support and help. I am in trouble multiple times during the day for silly little things as “getting the wrong kind of butter” because someone prefers a different brand and I am often put into situations I dont know how to deal with just because no one else wants to do it instead.

I am so stressed out to the point where it’s affecting me outside of work and I’ve gone from happy 24/7 to grumpy and feeling down.

I’m not really sure where to go from here, so if anyone has been through something similar, Id love to hear your advice.

Keep in mind, that I haven’t said anything to anyone in the workplace re this situation. I’m still on probation and the thought of them terminating it early is very scary. And I’m really not the kind of person to stand up for myself in these situations. So I’m not really looking for someone to tell me to ‘talk to the bullies’, because I know I never would. Hehe.

38 comments 32 voices

Replies

  • 9 yrs, 8 mths ago

    It’s mindblowing how many people have to deal with this sh1t on a daily basis! It really makes me angry.

    As I read through all of your posts there are similar situations I’ve experienced, both previously and in my current workplace. The only difference is now I know what makes the other idiot tick, and they’re fairing worse because I am not retaliating… She thrives on emotions and fighting, which she does with clients, other teams… anyone really, even people who call in that are wrong numbers lol. She sits there talking to herself, shouting at her screen and everyone who comes near her. She’s one of those people who make a lot of noise to make it sound like she’s doing a lot of work.. Even goes as far as reading her emails out loud when she receives them, and when she composes them.

    She just ignores me now because I don’t talk to her unless it’s a work related request – and even then, she tries to push ridiculous things on me to make her feel more important, and I don’t say no – I just do it. Which p1sses her off even more. She’s always late, always leaving earlier and always pulling sickies for stupid reasons and everyone is on to her… Which is good. It does get tiring having to deal with this child daily though, and I hope that the ‘opportunity’ presents itself to get rid of this witch soon, which it will as she’s digging her own grave at a rather enthusiastic pace haha.

    I really feel for you ladies, and in the case of the workplaces where the bigger bosses are not helping you.. It really is best to just leave. If you do stay, you need to find your own coping tactics and outsmart these a$$holes. Just go to your happy place, do your position description and most of all, smile. That’s the thing that annoys these types of people… Smiling! These people are 99% most likely to be unhappy with their job and life and are taking it out on you (also most likely because you’re a fresh new face, or you’re better at your job, their job etc. than they are). So smile. Don’t let them see that they’re getting to you even though you may fantasize knocking their head off. Who knows, you may end up having the last laugh. End of the day no one should have to put up with this in the work place and if it is affecting your health you need to get out of there. You don’t owe them anything.

    All the ladies who say document things are correct. Evidence speaks louder than just ‘complaining’… Especially when you say you will go to an external agency to deal with the issue.. Negative light from an external agency makes people tremble in their boots when they know their doing something wrong or they could be doing something to help you but just can’t be bothered dealing with the problem person because they’re ‘too difficult’.

    Big hugs to all of you… xx

  • 9 yrs, 8 mths ago

    I used to work for an organisation that actually dealt with workplace bullying/ harassment but it was here that I was treated like shiz from day 1!
    I’d only been there a week when the head admin left, leaving me to be the ONLY admin of a team of 40.
    These new reports had just been introduced. The Inspector goes to 100 different businesses a fortnight, informs them of the changes in legislation and fills out a report on it. I receive that report and input it onto the database.
    Now, not only did I have to deal with my teams reports but I also had to deal with EVERY SINGLE INSPECTOR IN THE ORGANISATIONS reports and there are hundreds of Inspectors…
    Every day I would go home exhausted but somehow I managed to input 100+ reports a day onto the database as well as troubleshoot/do all of my other adminly duties. I was new and all alone and yet I did everything.

    2 months later, an admin from another team was brought over to help. This woman would turn out to be more trouble than 100+ report’s a day… Let’s call her, Bullfrog.
    I was 21-22 at the time (23 now) and just starting out in the workforce, she was 34 and had been there for 10 years. At first we got along really well. Everyone called her a “tough bitch” and a month in and her true colours started to show.

    Bullfrog would use me as her emotional dumping ground, if she was having a bad day, she would make sure I would have one too.
    She chattered incessantly. You know the Teacher on Charlie Brown that goes “Wa wa wa wa wa wa”? There were days when her constant droning would sound exactly like that, she would just go on and on about the same things EVERY.SINGLE.DAY and whenever I would offer a solution, she would just ignore it and continue to complain. So, I would just internalise my frustration and carry on.

    She would never help out but would instead online shop all day. If a staff member asked her for help, she would make me do it. Yet, she would accuse me of never doing work and say things like: “well, at least I look like I do f***ing work!”.

    Bullfrog was a higher level than me, meaning she should have been doing some of my duties. Alas! Bullfrog passed them all on to me because she “didn’t know how to do them” and not wanting to cause a fuss, I did it all (but hey, in the end, all the extra jobs made my resume look fantastic!). Even the Boss would ask me to ‘help her out’.
    I was too scared to complain, I didn’t want to hurt her feelings or make the boss think that I was incompetent. I was hoping that he would see how hard I was working and give me a permanent position there.
    So, instead of asking Bullfrog to shut up and help, I would just do all the work myself, continuing to internalise my frustrations.
    On the rare occasion that I would ask her to do work she would get stroppy with me. Which caused me to stop asking her to do anything because I would have to put up with her moods.

    One incident, a few months after she joined the team, caused me to snap and have a breakdown.
    Bullfrog had been invited to another admins morning tea. I asked Bullfrog if she could bring some cake back for me, she said angrily, “No! F**k no!” I thought she was kidding. Later, a boy from one of the other teams bought over some cake for me; Bullfrog goes: “Why did he bring you cake? I didn’t say you could have cake!” again, I thought it was a joke.
    After, I asked her if she had received any emails about the upcoming admin meeting. I hadn’t so she forwarded me the email and that’s when I noticed my name had been left off of the list, which caused me explode:
    “I’ve been here 10 months, I’ve worked so hard in this team, be-friended everyone, helped the admin out in other teams and still, nobody recognises my existence”.

    In hindsight, I probably should have kept that little rant inside my head. I just snapped, though and couldn’t control it. I HAD worked very hard to be recognised within the organisation and I still wasn’t being acknowledged? It was a moment of pure insecurity and emotion. I don’t reveal my insecurities, ever. So for me to have that outburst was a very big thing for me.

    Bullfrogs response? “I don’t care. Get over it, just f**kng get over it”. I was so p’d off, I ran off to the toilets to cry, wail and shriek like a 3 year old. I had seriously had it by that point. Months and months of listening to her problems, complaints and insecurities and the one moment when I really needed some help. She brushed it off.

    40 minutes later I went back to my desk. Bullfrog asked me what was wrong and if it was her fault I was mad, I stupidly said no. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings or feel the wrath of one of her moods.
    After that time, she announced that she was sick of people using her as an outlet for their problems and whenever I would speak to her she would ignore me. So once again, in it went, all that anger and resentment.
    That’s when the grey hairs, fatigue and vomiting started to show up! Woohoo!

    On my last month there, she was asked to do a purchase receipt; she didn’t know how to so our Boss told her to give it me.
    A day after that email, I had to take 2 weeks off because my fatigue was becoming unbearable and was causing me to vomit and have diarrhoea every day. Every day. For 4 months.
    When I came back there was an email in my inbox, saying “Can you hurry up and deal with this?”. While I was away, the client emailed Bullfrog asking where his receipt was and instead of doing it herself, she sent an email to me…
    I had no idea how to do a purchase receipt and so I asked the finance team to teach me.
    In my only moment of assertiveness, I attached Bullfrogs “hurry up” message to a new email and emailed Bullfrog and the client back (making sure to CC the Boss) apologising for the delay and explaining the situation. It was never acknowledged by the Boss.
    While I was away Bullfrog also left me 5 heavy boxes full of reports written on thin carbon paper that needed to be sorted into order, put onto a spreadsheet and then archived.

    After that, I reported her to my Boss, saying that I felt like I was treading on egg shells around her and that it was seriously affecting my health. He did nothing. One of the other admin also reported Bullfrog for a similar incident and again, he did nothing.

    Not long after that, I found out they were “letting me go”…. I kept quiet, did all my work, made sure I reached deadlines and I still lose my job. Fan-freakin’-tastic!
    By the end of my time there, I had used up all my sick and annual leave on my stress illnesses. I’m not a suicidal person but I was seriously considering throwing either herself or myself out of the 5th storey window…and there’s no doubt that if I had stayed, I would be dead right now.
    On my last day there, I made sure to leave all of my unfinished work with her, included the archiving stuff, and never told her how to any of do it. Heheheh

    Apologies for the novel! I felt I should write this out so people know that they’re not alone and even if you feel like you can’t handle it and are going to die, you won’t. Your heart keeps beating and you will become a stronger person.
    After my time there, I was a wreck. I had lost my sense of humour and was angry, bitter and twisted.
    That experience made me realise that I never want to feel that kind of hopelessness ever again and that I shouldn’t be afraid of hurting peoples feelings, in situations like that (hence why I’m trying to become more assertive).

    I am very thankful that the Inspectors, at least, appreciated my hard work. Some even saying that Bullfrog was just jealous that I had made so many friends in the office.

    It’s been 8 months since I left and she’s still gossiping about me, saying I was the one who caused problems between her and all the other admin.
    Now I see that she’s not a, “tough bitch” but an “insecure bitch”.

  • 9 yrs, 8 mths ago

    Thanks for finding this thread Pretty Princess
    Wow Rose, what a horrible, horrible evil woman! (to put it nicely). It’s a shame you had to go through all of that, especially during such a tough time 🙁 What kind of evil, heartless person is she?
    Glad to hear you reported her though and she got her comeuppance. The less people like that in the work place the better!

  • 9 yrs, 8 mths ago

    I’ve been a victim of workplace bullying too. Long story. But this bully picked the wrong woman to mess with!

    When I first started working for this large company, there were just the 2 of us in our ‘department’. She was the manager. We got on like a house on fire. People were asking me how I got along with her, and I was warned to be careful as she had a reputation. But I wasn’t having any problems at all.
    Our department expanded and gained a few more people. That’s when things changed. It was almost like overnight this woman turned into a monster. People started telling me ‘I told you so’. Any requests for leave were denied. She even refused me a day off to attend a family funeral! She would interfere with everything you did, and then stuff it up, but it was never her fault. She criticised everything…..you didn’t iron your shirt very well, you need new shoes those ones are scruffy, that nail polish is too bright, you are wearing too much jewellery. She even tried to ban coke and red bull in our office, cos in her opinion it was bad for you (well yeah, she has a point I guess, but not really her business!). But that’s nothing compared to what she did to me.

    We were planning a trip with some of our 4WD club friends, and I needed 2 weeks leave. This trip was over 12 months away. The leave request was denied. Why? Because it’s too far away to decide now, and since it involved school holidays, she needed to make sure that no one else wanted the same time! In the end, I told her that whether she approved the leave or not, I was going on this trip. If she doesn’t approve the leave, I’ll just have to find another job when we get back. We did go on the trip by the way.

    But this is unforgivable……

    My beautiful mother in law got sick. Cancer. There was no hope for a recovery. We knew we were going to lose her. She battled on for longer than we thought she would, but she was very ill. Things went from bad to worse. There were a few times that we were called to come to the hospital NOW. This horrible evil woman made life very difficult for me. She asked me ‘how long is this going to go on for, you can’t keep using this as an excuse!’. I only had a few days off work over the whole 14 months that mother in law was sick. We had been told that she had only days to live. I made sure that Ms Boss was kept updated on the situation. She said that if hubby called me during the day to say she had passed away, she wouldn’t allow me to leave work to be with my family, because ‘what’s the point, she would be dead’. Then she asked about funeral arrangements. ‘If she dies tomorrow, but the funeral isn’t for a few days, would you come back to work in between?’ I said probably not, cos we would be busy making funeral arrangements etc and I would want/need to be with my family. ‘How much longer is this going to go on for…..’ Ummmm, as if I would know! I definitely didn’t plan for something like this to happen. She was giving me such a hard time when things were already hard enough. I hadn’t told hubby about my work woes, but I did tell my parents. Dad wanted to come marching in and confront her. Mum almost had to physically stop him, cos she knew it wouldn’t have helped.
    When hubby found out what was happening, well angry doesn’t really adequately describe his feelings.

    I had amazing support from fellow workmates in other departments, and I will be forever grateful for the help I got from them. I was told stories of other people who had been though similar situations with this woman. One poor woman even had a breakdown. During this time, we all had our annual performance appraisal. It was pretty much her opportunity to pick on everything. Mine was disgraceful. I was a hard worker, and I take a lot of pride in everything I do. I signed off on it though, because I knew that once mother in law had passed and the dust had settled, I would take action.

    Ms Boss was on leave. My workmates and I called Ms Big Boss and asked her to come and see us urgently. I told her everything. She was horrified. Last I heard, this evil woman was still searching unsuccessfully for another job! I got myself transferred out of that department for a fresh start, but ended up moving on not long after.

    There is no place for workplace bullying. It is totally unacceptable. No one should have to put up with bullying of any kind. Bullies need to be dealt with.

  • 9 yrs, 8 mths ago

    imalittleteapot, you make some fantastic suggestions for someone being bullied at the workplace! At the time of my experience of being bullied, bullying wasn’t spoken about in the media. At least today far more people are speaking out about it.

    I agree about finding out if others are in a similar situation. At first I thought it was just me that was being harrassed, and I felt so alone. A couple of years later I found out that many people in my office were also seeing the staff counsellor for the same reason. Once our office was sent to a pathetic team building weekend which was a complete waste of time and money. None of us felt safe enough to address the elephant in the room; the boss was the culprit of why half the office was so miserable.

  • 9 yrs, 8 mths ago

    If you get on the Fair Work Commission website, you can do some research with regard to what constitutes workplace bullying. New legislation came into place at the beginning of this year regarding bullying & harassment.

    https://www.fwc.gov.au/resolving-issues-disputes-and-dismissals/workplace-issues-disputes/anti-bullying

    Also I would strongly encourage you to speak to your union if you are in one. Some unions ARE pro active (depending on what one you are in).

    Also some advice would be to make notes every day about what is taking place / being said / witnesses names etc. Also try to subtly find out if its happening to others & not just to you. Safety comes in numbers & if there are numerous people being bullied by the same person, they should stick together & demand something be done to put a stop to it.

  • 9 yrs, 8 mths ago

    Thank you clever PrettyPrincess for this bump!!
    I’m going to read over the previous comments so I can get my head into a better refreshed space. It’s much needed.

  • 9 yrs, 8 mths ago

    BUMP.
    There where a few people looking for a workplace bullying thread.

    Pretty Princess, you’re brilliant. Thanks so much for finding this thread – I’m sure it will help.

  • 12 yrs ago

    Unions dont do anything either, been there.
    I let rip at my workplace bully.I’d had enough.
    She ended up scared of me.
    Dont work with her anymore.

    Great work, Cornflakegirl. Well done. Hope your workplace is a happy one now.

  • 12 yrs ago

    so i finally made an appointment to speak to someone about what to do.
    all they could give me was two obvious answers. I either stay and learn to stand up for myself or leave, and find something else that I enjoy.

    the problem is, I cant do either. I can’t stay, but I can’t afford to leave.

    Hmmm…

    Is there anyone else you can go to, are you apart of a union that you could contact? If not, in this situation I would stand up for myself if I desperately needed the job. If you can afford to move on, then I would instead. Just confront the bullies, it may seem scary, but you’ll feel so liberated if you tell them off for bullying you. Just imagine how good it’ll feel. Or just simply say ‘leave me alone, I will not tolerate you speaking to me in that manner. I do not like it, and I will not respond to you unless you speak to me nicely!’ If that doesn’t work, then maybe moving on is the answer.

    Agreed. That’s exactly what I said to my boyfriend when he was bullied at his last job. I told him to quit and he’s much happier now. In the end, it’s the workplace’s loss and it’s not worth the added stress. Try all of the avenues that you can (unions, lawyers, etc) but remember that you deserve better.

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