9 yrs, 5 mths ago

Life – Women are their own worst enemies.

Ok so be prepared for a bit of a rant here. But first the background. I am a trainee doctor. I work in a fairly specialized field at a major children’s hospital in Australia. I am single, 26 years old and I have no desires to have children.

Growing up my parents owned their own business and I didn’t see much of them. I love them to pieces and every bit of time I had was precious, but my mum couldn’t come to all those school things (athlectics etc). Personally I love my career and it is my main focus and I feel if I have kids they will miss out. I think I have valid reasons for this and am quite happy. Many of my friends have kids, I love them and am happy to spend lots of time with them, but don’t want children of my own.

So why does every single female feel the need to comment on my choice to remain childless by saying “You’ll change your mind when you are older”, “You’ll change your mind when you meet someone” or my absolute favorite “well at least you have your career or you’re a career woman”. NO ONE would ever say “at least you have your career” to a man. EVER.

Then I see the other side of the spectrum, where working mums cop bitchiness from stay at home mums and vice versa.

I took my nephew to school and was talking to a couple of the mums and they were ragging on another mum’s outfit choice for that day. They were competing on who had a better car, pram, fashion etc whilst putting others down.

I am totally sick of this negativity in everyday life and men don’t seem to be as bad. Women are always putting other women down and it is horrible. It is about time we accept other womens choices for their lives and what suits them, rather than bashing them for not meeting our personal “ideals”.

And this is why I love Beautyheaven. This site has something for everyone, for women of all ages, sizes, skin colours, life choices and walks of life. It promotes being healthy and being accepting of others, regardless of our differences. So thank you Beautyheaven and my fellow beauties for being so damn lovely! You make it a joy to visit this site and to escape the negativity.

Love Kezz xxx

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Replies

  • 9 yrs, 5 mths ago

    I agree, I’m only 23 and have been with my boyfriend for over two years and my Dad is already asking me when I will be having grand kids. Even after I have told him that I do not want them (As with your choice its a mix between career and some personal issues that I am afraid to put a child through). I don’t think people realise the added stress it causes to push your social views on others!

  • 9 yrs, 5 mths ago

    Kezzibelle, you’re right on so many levels. BH has some truly loving and kind members who support and just listen when needed. It’s truly amazing here!!! And it’s such a stress outlet too!

    I know about people asking about kids because I don’t have any, but I still get the question whether I have any, and when I say no, there is an incredible long dark blank silence, it’s almost like a big pit in the room………I feel embarrassed and awkward, but there’s not much I can do about it and really, there’s people who have it much worse in life.

    I don’t know why we have to explain everything that happens to us.
    I wish some people would think before they speak but then, I’m expecting too much. I don’t stick my head into other people’s business with intrusive questions and comments but that doesn’t stop people from asking me.
    I just accept it and go along with the questions. But I am a bit over everything. Sorry I’m quite sure I ranted, but I’m okay 🙂

    I actually don’t have too many people ask whether I have children as I think they’re way too self-involved to even care. However when they do ask I think I generally reply in a very matter-of-fact, almost insolent manner which tends to shut them down immediately. This doesn’t stop me (underneath it all) feeling like an outsider and a social pariah due to the fact that I’m literally the only female at work who doesn’t have a partner, children/grandchildren. I often wonder what it would be like to be one of the “normal” people. Cherryblossom, perhaps we need to start a ‘childless and proud’ group!

    Ha yes cat lover. I like that, it’ll be a ‘yes, no kids for whatever reason, but still very happy’ club!!!!
    (I often wonder about ‘normal’ people too but then I remind myself that there must be people going thru really devastating tough things that must be thinking about ‘normal’ people too….)
    I trust that God does everything for a reason, and that’s my answer to myself, but I’ll still have that void in my life…..sorry….I sound like I’m in 2 minds!!!

  • 9 yrs, 5 mths ago

    Found this thread interesting and only catching up with it now. I can never understand when you finally get married the questions are asked……”When are you going to have kids?” It used to irritate me.

    I have friends that don’t have kids and kids were never on their agenda. One had had a rough childhood and they weren’t sure if they could love a child the way that they are supposed to. When they got with their partner they talked about why she didn’t want kids. His love for her was strong and he was quite happy not to have them either. They have been married for over 35 years and have worked all their lives and been able to travel.

    As I say to them, each to their own. They are still my friends and I don’t put them in a certain group amongst my friends either. They are normal just like me but they decided not to have kids.

    My best friends daughter has told her mum not to expect any grandkids as they will not be having children as they just want to travel and enjoy life.

  • 9 yrs, 5 mths ago

    *Seashells,* I’m going to disagree with you about *you* being judgmental – you’ve been communicating with us long enough for me to feel that I can say that – I just hope I don’t fit into the “Please mind your own business” category – I do accept that I am often nosy!!! Feeling that parents/people should take care of those in their care isn’t judgmental, it’s just good manners.

    I went without lunch recently and left my husband to order his when a parent was totally unaware about their child ruining things for everyone else when the child kept screaming!!!! I went shopping instead! So much of what is being said fits completely into the *good manners* area! Expecting others to use manners is in no way judgmental, Hun. Hugs, Seashells.

    In no way, shape or form are you nosy Trish! Oh and thank you for the kind words, as usual. Sometimes I wonder whether I really am judgmental or not.

    I guess I was aiming that comment more at people out there like this long time friend of my Mum’s, who I’ve never liked (never liked her kids either – her daughter was a right little bitch to me when we were younger) & who has a habit of being kind of rude & nosy actually.

    She asked my Mum at a gathering over the weekend what I’m doing with my life nowadays (nothing, just like it has been for a while), but she knew not to push things further with my Mum because my Mum would’ve turned around & told her to shut her mouth & mind her own business…so she turns on my Mum’s bestie instead to lecture her about her youngest daughter (who I’m close to as she’s my Mum’s goddaughter & we’re born in the same month, but 10 years apart – she’s like a little sister to me) & about how she can’t live the way she’s living for too long (same circumstance as me) etc etc…the problem is my Mum’s bestie lets her get away with it. I would’ve stood up & given this friend of theirs a piece of my mind if I’d been there! Or maybe not. I don’t know…but it would’ve stirred me up that’s for sure.

  • 9 yrs, 5 mths ago

    Yep, so thankful for this heavenly little space of the internet. We can all voice our opinions and not be shot down.
    I work in hospitality, and boy have I seen my fair share of kids. The vast array, badly behaved, brats, unruly little sh*ts that don’t listen, and then there’s the angels with the most lovely parents. It’s the majority I see that scream and carry on that make me want to rip out my ovaries…seriously!! But then every now and then a mum will have the sweetest little angel of a baby, or the loveliest and best behaved children, and I’ll think, awe, I want one..
    So I’m all for a career, believe me at 26 I’m still trying to figure that one out. But, my partner and I love to travel, and for the foreseeable future we want to see as much of the world as we can, and enjoy our lives, before we decide if we really do or don’t want children. It’s ok though beauties, we’ve had that talk, and we’re both in the category of “if it happens, it happens”, but if it turns out we can’t or it’s too hard, we’re not going to push it to IVF or adoption, our parental urge is just not that strong.

    So I totally agree, it’s completely the individual’s choice. No one else’s. And it’s unfair that so many women judge other women for this choice. Who cares? How does it affect (sic?) you if I do or don’t have children? It doesn’t!! So lay off and let me live my life the way it suits me and my partner, not you!

  • 9 yrs, 5 mths ago

    This is why I love BH – we accept each other and we don’t judge! Everyone is entitled to have their own opinion, lifestyle and to make choices they wish to – we can disagree with them, but we still need to respect them and at BH, we do!

    Women can be quite nasty to other women and call them names etc., but I (and other BH ladies from what I can see) like to treat others the way they want to be treated!

    Hugs to all you wonderful and positive BHers!

  • 9 yrs, 5 mths ago

    I think a person deciding not to have children is better than someone feeling pressured into a child that they do not want. I respect women’s choices either way. I really don’t understand why it’s an issue, and hate that women can be made feel guilty because they do not want a child.

    Indie, you’ve said it perfectly.

  • 9 yrs, 5 mths ago

    Seashells, I’m going to disagree with you about you being judgmental – you’ve been communicating with us long enough for me to feel that I can say that – I just hope I don’t fit into the “Please mind your own business” category – I do accept that I am often nosy!!! Feeling that parents/people should take care of those in their care isn’t judgmental, it’s just good manners.

    I went without lunch recently and left my husband to order his when a parent was totally unaware about their child ruining things for everyone else when the child kept screaming!!!! I went shopping instead! So much of what is being said fits completely into the good manners area! Expecting others to use manners is in no way judgmental, Hun. Hugs, Seashells.

  • 9 yrs, 5 mths ago

    I think a person deciding not to have children is better than someone feeling pressured into a child that they do not want. I respect women’s choices either way. I really don’t understand why it’s an issue, and hate that women can be made feel guilty because they do not want a child.

    This!

    Truth be told, as I’ve got older (this all started about 3 years ago when I turned 27) I’ve begun questioning whether or not I really want to have kids. I know I have a caring gene somewhere inside me, but does it pertain to having potential little you-know-what’s of my own, or does it apply to dog ownership instead? I don’t know for sure yet, but seeing as I have copped it (and will probably continue to cop it) from people about not having a partner & just generally not having my crap together in life, I guess this might just be another thing to add to that list. The idea/concept of having mini-me’s out there in the world is nice, but the reality of it frightens the heck out of me!

    People really just need to mind their own friggin’ business & stop telling others how to live their lives. I know I’m judgmental as all hell (believe me, I am, especially when it comes to how people parent/don’t parent their children in public), but I do that in silence. Far be it for me to waltz up to someone & lecture them about something I have no clue about, so why do others feel the need to do just that?

  • 9 yrs, 5 mths ago

    I think a person deciding not to have children is better than someone feeling pressured into a child that they do not want. I respect women’s choices either way. I really don’t understand why it’s an issue, and hate that women can be made feel guilty because they do not want a child.

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