8 yrs, 4 mths ago

Maintaining friendships and making new friends

I originally posted this in a different thread but it probably needs its own thread….

I’ve had a friendship fall apart recently. We were very close friends for over 10 years but she’s been pulling away from me and has changed quite a lot over the year. I think I need to accept the fact the friendship is changing/ending but it still hurts a lot.

I’ve noticed that now I’m in my 30s, it’s harder to make new friends. And over my 20s I lost a few friends for various reasons. Some just naturally grew apart. Some were ‘breakups’. I still have my very dear best friend, and a handful of friends and acquaintances, but I wonder how many people have close friends and how they maintain them or make new ones?

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Replies

  • 8 yrs, 4 mths ago

    I personally find it really difficult to keep friends and make real connections. I have no trouble making friends because I’m an outgoing and bubbly person. I don’t have problems in social situations or talking to new people.

    It’s finding people who I have things in common with and have the same morals and values as I do that is the problem.

    I tend to meet people who are on either side of spectrum i.e completely unstable, wild and just wrong for me or totally boring, prudish and uptight. I think of myself as outgoing without drugs. Fun without getting arrested. Flirty without being slutty. Loud without being obnoxious. Feisty without punches and kicks. Playful without STDs. Adventurous without ending up in a morgue. Lol.

    I consider myself a well rounded, stable and highly functioning person. I often wonder why I don’t meet people of the same caliber.

    I have met a couple of people that I’m no longer friends with who have really shaken me and have made me question my existence because of their behavior. It wasn’t necessarily a bad thing because even though it was a painful experience it reassured me that I’m on the right path in my life.

    Though I’m still meeting the wrong kind of people.

  • 8 yrs, 4 mths ago

    Thanks to some great advice from everyone, I managed to have a discussion with my old friend which went mostly well. Things aren’t where they used to be, but they are better.

    I’ve also been making an effort to be more open and accepting invitations when they come up and have surprised myself by having fun with some new people.

    I’m still working on being more comfortable in my own skin but slow and steady… 🙂

  • 8 yrs, 4 mths ago

    Sometimes I feel I should go out & make friends, but then I’ll be stuck with having to maintain them. That probably sounds really weird.

  • 8 yrs, 4 mths ago

    I responded to the conversation in the original thread. Ultimately, if you are yourself and you are open as a person, you never know what opportunities may present themselves to you.

    Just as I randomly met a new female friend at a cooking class and got to talking, only to catch up with her again before another cooking class for a cocktail and then giggle like school girls. We would have never crossed paths, being from completely different ethnic / cultural backgrounds, live on different sides of towns, raised speaking different languages even! The common differentiator was our love for food.

    So you never know!

    TUD x

  • 8 yrs, 4 mths ago

    Anyone mind sharing the original thread? I had a look but couldn’t find it.

  • 8 yrs, 4 mths ago

    Good to see a dedicated forum thread. I hope our comments in the other thread shed some light on the matter for you, and can be built upon by further comments in here 🙂

    Would love to hear any updates as well 🙂

  • 8 yrs, 4 mths ago

    Good on you sparrow x!

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