8 yrs, 9 mths ago

Catfished

I was emotionally involved with someone on and off that I ‘met’ (I normally say that I imet) on the internet in a different decade to the one we’re in now. I would have relationships and we’d still speak during them so I emotionally cheated.
A number of years ago I even ended a relationship that, if he hadn’t been in the background, would’ve been amazing.

We used to talk about everything and he knew me better than anyone possibly ever will. He’d write me letters and send me flowers (that part stopped a long time ago).

I kept pushing for us to meet but there was always an excuse. A year ago we had a massive fight about it and I said that I was finally done. I also threw into the mix the suggestion that he may be Catfishing me before the phone call finished.

I was watching Catfish two months ago. Mid episode I turned the TV off. I decided to give internet sleuthing one last shot. I’d previously attempted some over the years and gotten no where. Not this time. I found out that the object formerly of my affection was a Catfish. I was upset that I’d allowed myself to be lied to, given affection and consideration to this liar and that I hadn’t fully given my relationships a chance.

I am still upset and angry. Some of that is directed at me but the majority is directed at my Catfish. At least, I think it is. I honestly have no idea how to get through the numbness and waves of anger. I am deeply embarrassed too.

Help beauties – I really don’t know where to start. A few additional things:
– I see a Psychiatrist a couple of times a month due to long standing depression.
-I totally accept that I made life and romantic decisions whilst considering my Catfish.
-I have regretted ending one relationship for a number of years. I can’t say my life would be better but it certainly would be different. I consider that one to be ‘the one I let get away’.

8 comments 32 voices

Replies

  • 8 yrs, 9 mths ago

    Thanks again ladies 🙂 I am feeling better. A little less angry. I’m focusing more on what’s real in my life and what I want.

  • 8 yrs, 9 mths ago

    Unidentified, I think that some of the other ladies have provided good replies to you.

    I am sorry that you have been in this situation.

    I hope you are able to put this in the past and move on, I can’t imagine how difficult this must be for you.

    I don’t really have much else to say, however I just wanted you to know that I’m thinking of you and I’m sure things will eventually work out well for you, it may be hard to see that right now. ((hugs))

  • 8 yrs, 9 mths ago

    Unidentified, I’m sorry for this pain you’re going thru. Just reading your words makes me sigh and sad.

    You do seem like you are coming out of this, slowly but surely. You will move on and continue being strong and not let that ratbag catfish have a negative impact on you or your feelings or your life. The ratbag isn’t worth it!

    Continue staying true and strong, and sometimes, you have to shut down the browser and go to bed, hey, if that’s what it takes, thats what it takes. Doesn’t matter at all.

    I hope things work out positively when you meet your ex.

    Take care and know that we are wishing you well and keeping you in our thoughts 🙂
    Hugs :))

  • 8 yrs, 9 mths ago

    I tried a few weeks ago to respond to some of the questions raised by you lovely ladies. I basically typed out the whole response then cried, shut down the browser and went to bed.

    The relationship I ended was a long time ago. He has definitely moved on. I guess he’s always going to be “the one that got away”. He now lives overseas and is in a long term relationship. He will be back for a visit later on this year or early next year. I have told him that I would like to see him. I missed out on seeing him last year when he was here for work. I am a bit afraid of doing so because there’s this “pull” I feel toward him. I know that he feels the same about me, but maybe as more time has passed it wont be so strong (I have a few tears in my eyes as I type this). I am digressing now… I will tell him about the Catfishing. He will understand. I know part of me wants him to console me but that isn’t his role. I also know that very, very, very deep down I hope that we will get back together (God, yet another topic for discussion with my Psychiatrist). It is what it is and now I need to move along.

  • 8 yrs, 9 mths ago

    How awful and difficult for you, Unidentified. Does your Psychiatrist know the full story? You need to try to get passed blaming yourself – easier said than done, I know.

    One of my favourite quotes is “Healing takes courage and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it.”

    Take care of yourself – sending caring thoughts and a hug.

  • 8 yrs, 9 mths ago

    Unfortunately there is good and bad on the internet. I have had friends and family that have met someone on the internet and today they are in long term relationships, some have married and had babies.

    It makes me so angry that you have been led along a wrong path Unidentified and your not the first one for this to happen to. You are strong though, for coming in here and explaining your feelings.

    I’ve never heard the expression of catfish…….I can think of other names but I’m not allowed to swear in here. These catfish prey against women. The strong warning sign is if they won’t meet you and think of all these excuses of why they cant.

    We all make mistakes even in real relationships that we meet during our life. Unfortunately there are people out there that can be cruel.

    I am also thinking along the lines of what cat lover says…….”Where is the other guy now – if he’s not in a relationship it wouldn’t hurt to tell him what has happened. You never know, those feelings could still be there.

    Otherwise, it’s just a matter of trying to forget all the bad stuff and moving forward. Don’t let this other guy upset you anymore. Take care 🙂

  • 8 yrs, 9 mths ago

    As CherryBlossom said, you’re very brave to share this story Unidentified.

    The internet is choc-full of these types of scum buckets, so your chances of coming across someone like this is really high and I can see how it would be easy to be sucked in, especially when the person is saying all the right things to make you feel good about yourself. The only advice I could give you is to try to take some positive out of the experience ie. You’ve leant a very valuable lesson and as I result this sort of thing won’t happen to you again.

    As for the bloke you broke up with during the ongoing ‘catfishing’ episode, is he now in a relationship? Is there any way to make contact and explain what really happened?? If not, the only thing you can do is just refuse to think about it/him. Whenever you find your thoughts going there make a concerted effort to think about something totally unrelated.

    Most of us have made mistakes in relationships and the choice of people we’ve been involved with during our lives. All these things do leave scars, but the important thing is to learn from these experiences and somehow put them behind us. Time really does help also. All the very best Unidentified🙂

  • 8 yrs, 9 mths ago

    Unidentified Firstly, you are very brave and honest to tell us about this and what a horrible thing to go thru.
    I’m so old that when I was growing up, the only catfish I knew is the fish! But times have changed and there’s so many new ways of fooling and deceiving people.

    You definitely don’t need to be embarrassed, instead I think you’re a loving person who innocently believed a liar and a cheat. You were honest and caring, not a trait to be embarrassed about.

    I hope your psychiatrist is helping you to deal with the anger and the other feelings as a result of this.
    I can’t imagine how you feel, it’s like getting punched in the guts, and that takes time and effort to heal.

    Stay strong, obviously you are a good person who had a bad experience. Don’t let this rotten fool ruin your mind and your confidence.

    I wish you the best. It will take time, some days are better than others, but hold on, things will certainly improve. Hugs and best wishes.

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